Heartbroken and Despondent?

[DifRent]

Clearly, I did not drink enough STFU tonic before heading out this afternoon with my WW. Or maybe we were just out together too long. I'm not sure. Because for a good hour, I was a calm, steady rock.

But she crossed one of my boundaries again... by calling the OW in my presence, in the car, where I can't escape. Ostensibly it was about real estate business, but it doesn't matter what it's about.

I called her on it, and she said, "I'm trying to make a living, and this is a $3000 deal for me, okay?" I actually did STFU after that, but at some point, we both cracked.

I suggested, as we were looking for land, that she move out as quickly as possible, and I rent out the two upstairs bedrooms in order to pay the mortgage until I find just the right land. She thought it was a "brilliant" idea, and then, stupid me, I just couldn't help myself.

I said, "Yeah well, since all the issues surrounding your leaving me had to do with finances, look how quickly I fixed them? Got a good job, have a plan to pay the mortgage, and then some... I mean, if you wouldn't have gone off the rails like you did, you wouldn't have a thing to worry about financially. But instead, you are taking a course to become a minimum wage physical trainer for five hours a day ON TOP of your relentless real estate career and affair, and moving into a rat hole in the worst part of town."

Sigh. As you can imagine, this did not go over very well.

"Off the rails? Because I am trying to pay the bills? Because I don't love you anymore? Because I have a new girlfriend? You can't make me come back to you."

"Seriously? I don't want to come back to the woman you are right now."

"Well good, because I have changed, and this is who I am. Get used to it. And you had a lot to do with it."

"Excuse me? I will not take the blame for this insanity."

"Fine. Don't take the blame. But if you'd only gotten a job sooner..."

It all comes down to that. Money. Whew.

Anyway, not proud of how I handled myself for a few minutes this afternoon, but if I can't be honest here in the forums, where can I be? I guess I am just looking for reaffirmation that I AM NOT TO BELIEVE ANYTHING SHE SAYS.

And gentle reminders that going forward, I just need to STFU.

She's off to spend the evening with the OW. "I'll be late tonight, okay?"

She always asks if it's okay.

I just said, "God bless you."