Oh Caliguy I am not sure I understand what you are saying.
I do not mean to be dense but are you saying I should be more friends for the "new relationship" between W and myself for the benefit of the kids? Again, she wants to be "best friends" "nothing will change and I am I will only co parent with you. Maybe co parent with her will mean we have to communicate more? The moe I try and communicate with her, the more she shoots me down and I guess I just have to get over this. Is that what you are saying? Based on our last convo where she is spewing spittle and saying "You don't get this do you!"
For example - it feels like I am all alone in this - if I get sick, if there is a car problem, if one of the kids gets sick, so many things to go wrong here. So in that sense, I have to be the the one that plays happy here for the greater good of the kids. I guess that is my answer.
Mirror work here I come.
Ok HEavy ... I think you missed my point so hopefully this clarifies this up ... lets take it from 2 different issues.
#1 "Friends"
My stance ... DB or not, right or wrong, call me old school here as I have told my W, and others on this board my Mantra is as follows: "I will co-Parent to the best of my ability, look out and do what is right for the children, this is my obligation and duty as a parent to my kid(s), As far as friends ... yeah No Thanks. I have plenty of friends who did not lie, cheat, steal from me, if any friend did such things .. (let alone all 3) they would no longer be considered my friend" I personally have no interest in such a person as a friend. Now if that person would like to commit back to the M, end the A and all the deciept ... then maybe we can sit down ... look at things and talk. Otherwise the choice was made .. not by me ... I am simply going on with my life. ... you W will have issue with this as I see a bit of a power struggle between you two.
#2 Mirror Work
This is about YOU Heavy. Some of the things I went through I realized I .... brace yourself here .. yes I had some serious faults and issues. I realized during the M I had them but ya know what .. my good traits were so good she should have just accpeted it. Then I realized ... I could be better, I wanted to be better, God wanted me to be better and without putting me through THIS I honestly would have never taken that deep look into the mirror. So it was suggested here, take a person you admire completely ... fictitious character ... in my case I took good traits from several people both real and fictional. I then started morphing the good things from them ... with the good things from me, no room for the bad stuff, I worked on weeding that stuff out. Cali 2.0 was taking shape and is still a work in progress.
So now ... with you. your W tosses out that "you call all the shots!" line often right? Is there any truth to that? Do you sometimes fight just to win ... have a hard time letting things go even though you know in your heart your way is better? This struck a chord with me because my W is that way. About a month ago I was driving us all to a store. 3 blocks away ... she told me to take a left, I usually take the left a street down to avoid the light. We fought about it and I made her see .... it really does not matter how we get there does it? Her way .. my way .. .we will get there. If she was driving I would not tell her how to get there .... nor would I want anyone telling me.
This might be something to work on for you ... seems to be a reoccurring issue ... something to continue to try 180's with regardless of the pending D ... the next person .. spouse or not ... might benefit from you working at this ya know?
