[pollstart] [polltitle=When should we quit trying? ] [polloption=after a year ] [polloption=after six months] [polloption=only when we don't want to try anymore ] [polloption=when they file for divorce ] [polloption=when they move in with OW/OM] [polloption=when they are remarried! ] [pollstop]
H called me tonight. I must admit I tried to call him first. BUT...HE WASN'T IN HIS ROOM. He called not five minutes later and asked if I had tried to call him...I said yes, but just to let you know about your dental appointment. We talked for about ten minutes...I flirted with him a little! I asked if I could take a pair of his sweat pants to treatment with me...he said he didn't care if I took them, but said it in a very nice way. I told him I like wearing them and sometimes wear them with a pair of his underwear...he wears the comfy bike pants type...then I laughed and said, I know you probably think I'm a weirdo...he didn't answer...I asked if he was in bed ...he said yes and I told him I was going to picture him naked...and then said, well, it's late, I should get off this phone...he said ok then...but hung on the phone a bit more. He asked when I was leaving for treatment, I told him I wasn't sure yet, and then I said again we better hang up now and he finally said ok, goodnight...I wished him a good day tomorrow and got off the phone.
It was a NICE conversation. I sent him some info on my meds today via email, as he had asked about them the other night. I asked if he read the stuff that I had sent him on abilify...he said yes.
Oh yeah! He also said that his name comes up with unknown number on the caller id when you call the house phone number from the house phone. (I had thought he had a cell phone at one time.) Was he trying to reassure me? I said that I had discovered that and was sorry for thinking he had a cell phone.
My apology was sincere and I think it went over well.
Ok...am just waiting to go into treatment now. Will not see H for five weeks. Am wondering what to do. Should I just go about going to treatment and not contact H? Should I call him from treatment since he can't call me there?
I am going to treatment for me and don't want these outside issues to confuse me. Still, I don't want to lose ground albeit it small ground that I have gained with H toward friendship. Does absence truly make the heart grow fonder or does it make it easier to detach? Should I send him a card now and then?
I am confused again. I want to get closer to my goal of reconciliation with H. I know taking care of me has to come first, though.
So far, the babysteps I have seen are these
He has begun calling now and then.
He is nicer when he calls.
He asked about my medications.
He asked me to do a few things for him.
He didn't get angry when I flirted with him.
He is letting me borrow his sweat pants for treatment.
Any takes on the situation? I'd love some input.
(Thank you St. Rita for working for me in this situation which I have viewed as impossible. Amen.)
If you need help, and believe in praying through the Saints...try praying to St. Rita. My situation has improved since I have begun asking her for help. She is the patron saint of the impossible. St. Jude is also a good saint to ask for help as he is the patron saint of hopeless causes I believe. I know I need all the help I can get!
Only you can see the subtle things we can't see, and decipher based on how well you know your H.
I don't know if he is showing you concern in his face when you speak, if he is acting tenderly towards you. Weigh everything and respond accordingly. Also, think about how you would want to be treated in the reversed situation. I would personally call so H would not worry, but not often and only to let him know I was OK.
I wish you the very best of luck in your treatment program. NO ONE can do this for you BUT YOU. It takes great courage to face your addiction and you've done that. It also takes courage to reach out for help, and you're doing that too.
Let this next five weeks be just about you and learning how to stay clean and sober FOR YOU.
I would suggest that you NOT contact your H while in treatment unless HE writes you or calls when you're allowed to accept incoming calls. Don't 'persue' ANYTHING while you're there accept a life of sobriety.
I wish you luck. 
