I agree AJ ... letting go of that hurt a little at a time... I think its the only way.
Bit of an update.
Fridaynight worked as usual. W TM during saying the dog was acting up ... not surprising as he had surgery (nothing major) and was most likely out of it from the drugs. She told me she could not handle him, I let her know I would pick him up as soon as I got off work (That's not till 2:30 a.m.) So I ride home, grab the car and let myself into her place to take the dog home, she wakes and tells me to just take him out .. walk him .. and stay there. I was tired so I went ahead and took him out came back in and was really on the fence about just going home or staying .. she asked me again to stay. I had to move S who was sleeping in 'our' bed ... put him in his and got into bed with W. In a way this has been more of a power move by me, one with the issues I am trying to overcome with the A/OM and that bed .. but the other is me not sleeping on the couch nor S's bed ... W has not said anything about it. One of the mistakes I felt we made in our M was putting S between us, and we never spent time together .... something that will need to be fixed in the new M if we are to work things out.
Woke up early Saturday, W took the dog for a walk and I got up and sat with S for a bit .. W returned and was concerned I did not sleep enough. She offered breakfast but I declined, took the dog home with me and did some cleaning as W had a phone call with her Dr that morning she needed to take. W called a bit after and asked if we could celebrate Fathers Day together as her and I will be doing Retrouville next weekend, I told her that would be nice. We went to the Mission in San Juan Capistrano, was beautiful. Spent a few hours there and caught Mass ... drove back in some brutal traffic on the way S asked if he could stay with me that night ... I think W is really noticing that S gravitates towards me and its starting to bother her, I have been good about not getting involved in the R between them .. thats all on them. S and I watched some movies, relaxed a bit ... woke up Sunday .. made breakfast for S and I, went to my football game. Was fun getting out there with the guys, S enjoys watching. Went out for lunch after then back home and I let S play his video games while I snuck in a nap.
Did not hear from W much, she did call after her class ... seemed more of a touch-base to let me know what she is doing and testing to see if I am upset with her...detachment to a point has helped me tremendously, she could be with OM, or a OM2, its not that I wouldn't care, its more that I am not going to live my life in fear of that ... if that's what she wants she can have it ... she is doing her thing, the never ending quest for happiness is still alive and well with her MLC crisis ... out of work but she is focused on photography and starting her own business. Its just an observation, I am not sure if she is really going for this or if its just another 'fix' .... either way it really does not matter that much for me but I am noticing she will talk as if we are married, I just STFU and listen.
Work looks to be busy this week, S is with W all week till she takes him north to be with BIL as we go to Retrouville. If anything maybe it will give me direction. I though about my sitch a little last night ... its hard for a relationship of 24 years to get that 'spark' back .. I see how a new R would provide that excitement so easily... understanding the drug effect an A would have, I am still slowly processing and getting over the pain of the A though I rarely bring it up. Baby steps as with all things .... I have just come to the conclusion it will take me a long time ... and I think like many you never really heal fully from it .. but the pain and hurt will not control my life like it once seemed to.
