Ok concerning the post Wonka gave you about the R talks. I am not sure how closely you are following my sitch but I have been at this for almost 2 years now ... DBing half that.
When and if you do get to the R talks .. which in our cases its few and far between its a good opportunity for you as the LBH to make a firm stand on what you NEED .. not want. Your W seems pretty wishy washy, its not a bad thing to simply state what you need out of a relationship, this does a couple things. First it shows her that you are strong and you are not just going to accept what happened, in fact you learned from it, taking a leadership role in your relationship and standing up for yourself and stating your needs... this relationship or the next ... notice I dropped the seed of what I NEED from my spouse, 'whomever' that will be (The image of us with someone else is something they typically are not prepared for). Secondly it lets her know what you expect from her as a W from this point forward ... your demands/boundaries may be out of the question, but that does not matter .. its what YOU NEED ... mine were simple, and if she can not meet them then I honestly have no desire to try to DB nor save the M and I was clear that we might as well file .... this also has some effect in the fact that now its not just them pushing for D, when I agreed to sign all the docs at mediation and actually set up the appointments this really confused her.
When a WAW is not to sure about D and the LBH finds himself, knows he will be ok regardless of the situation this really gets them confused and starts painting a clearer picture over that fantasyland canvas.
