The Dance of Uncertainty Continues...

[PigPen]

Sent the text this morning on my way home, but unfortunately my W said that she and our dog would not be home till this evening. I wished her a happy Sunday and left it at that.

Chuck told me that one of the ways to show improvement is in how you handle getting a "no" from your W so I kept it short and didn't follow up with anything. Kept my chin up and drove home. Today isn't the day.

The meditation group was very cool, kept me centered and calm for the evening and morning. There was a talk about holding space for people that are struggling in our lives and I related that to my W. Even though I'm the one that has gotten sober, gotten heavily into therapy, and meditation, on some level I know that it's my W that's suffering.

My thinking that I am holding space for her while she heals and gets strong enough for this next chapter in her life whether I'm in it or not, made me feel better. It took a little bit of the sting out of being an LBS, even though the dull ache is still there.

In order to hold space well, I have to stay positive, stay strong, stay sober, and keep living a healthy life - and be detached from any particular outcome (sounds a lot like DB principles). So in many regards it's a win win and a much more positive way of looking at the situation than "I can't believe this happened to me." or "How could she do this to me."

All day I've thought instead, "I'm just going to make sure I'm a healthy mountain that's here if she needs to come back to it, even if it's only for a short time before leaving again."

Maybe this will help another DB'er who's reading this. It's helped me.

Hope everyone had a good weekend.