Well, we just sat down and set timelines for separation and moving out. We will move the boys out of here this month. She wants to lease our home out in September. She's put in a contract on a dump in the hood where she plans to live in the interim (the interim in her mind being between now and when she makes enough money to justify moving in with the OW - the place has tenants now). I said as my realtor, she needed to help me find land so I can build my house. So we just went through properties on the MLS and will go out to look at them on Monday.
As much as I know we need to do this, it hurts. It also really hurts to know that this kind of move... buying land and living in a smaller place... was an option I'd put out there a year ago, but she didn't want to do it. Now I have to do it myself. Which is what it is...
I know I am supposed to be focused on this as a positive change for me. It is, I know this - for now. But I also can't help but think about how this will play out for her. Maybe this has to happen for her world to come crashing down around her even more. I will be in a nicer place than she will, more stable and settled, while she continues to frantically build this business and keep her life from spiraling out of control. And since I don't trust this OW as far as I can throw her, should they break up while all this is going on, then where will my WW turn?
It's all speculation. I really just can't believe this is happening, and I'm sad today.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
This is so tough. Don't try to mind read what W is or isn't doing.
If I were you, I'd get someone else to represent me as a realtor. Fire W as your "realtor." I wouldn't want to have W to do it as she's breaking apart the family. You would want someone outside who isn't involved nor invested to help you broker the land sale.
This is so tough. Don't try to mind read what W is or isn't doing.
If I were you, I'd get someone else to represent me as a realtor. Fire W as your "realtor." I wouldn't want to have W to do it as she's breaking apart the family. You would want someone outside who isn't involved nor invested to help you broker the land sale.
I was going to ask this same question.
Other than that, I have nothing really to offer but hugs. Just make sure that this is for YOU and not in an effort to impress/win back the WW.
I guess I feel like she should be responsible for finding the land, not that this is any kind of reward for her. She won't get to keep the commission... I also made that clear. The good thing is she wants me out so bad that she'd be the most motivated realtor in the world. She's already found a dozen possibilities.
She is a few feet away from me right now, finishing the laundry I refused to touch Friday night. I cannot stand this woman who is here. She's a stranger. I can't imagine us ever getting back together again - unless the real W returns. But she seems lost and gone for good. How is this possible?
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
You do what's best for you, I guess. I would just think you'd want to show that you don't need her vs trying to punish/guilt her.
I can't begin to understand how this is all possible. But it is. And it's happening. So put one foot in front of the other. Try not to worry about R. Worry about putting one foot in front of the other. By the time it comes time to R, you'll both be totally different people anyway.
She got so angry this morning when she left the house... and I realized her anger boiled down to the fact that I haven't had an income aside from our failing business for the past year. (Not that she has, either. And the year before that, I worked on an entrepreneurial project that didn't quite pan out while she went overseas and made big money - an arrangement we agreed to.)
So now, she's gone off the deep end, making all kinds of crazy decisions... including getting a loan from the OW she's known for less than two months to buy the condo in the hood.
She's been gone all day with her... I've been gone all day, too, but am back sooner than she. I'm concerned about her. What do you do when you are convinced that your WW is headed for a stroke or worse, because she's so off her rocker? I know there isn't anything I can do, but I am seriously worried about her. She's not right. I mean, none of them are. But there are so many things not right at the moment. I wish I could get a group of friends and do an intervention. Not that it would probably matter.
Just one more thing to keep me up at night. Going to have a glass of wine here and chill before bed... and yet another week of insane adventures...
Goodnight, good people.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
She is a few feet away from me right now, finishing the laundry I refused to touch Friday night. I cannot stand this woman who is here. She's a stranger. I can't imagine us ever getting back together again - unless the real W returns. But she seems lost and gone for good. How is this possible?
Hello Diff,
I hope you're logged off now enjoying that glass of wine.
Although my W is 3 1/2 hrs away with her Mom, I ask the same question all the time...How is this possible? Also, what really happened? I think for now, you want to focus on the house issue.
It's hard for me to ever disagree with Wonka. I liked what she wrote: "If I were you, I'd get someone else to represent me as a realtor. Fire W as your "realtor." I wouldn't want to have W to do it as she's breaking apart the family. You would want someone outside who isn't involved nor invested to help you broker the land sale."
I saw you posted afterward that "she'd be the most motivated realtor in the world." Like Matt wrote, you do what's best for you.
My question is, is this really best for you? I ask only because I think Wonka was spot on.
Well, Diff, I am sending hugs your way. Enjoy a glass or two of wine.
{{{{DifRent}}}}
Your friend,
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
She got so angry this morning when she left the house... and I realized her anger boiled down to the fact that I haven't had an income aside from our failing business for the past year. (Not that she has, either. And the year before that, I worked on an entrepreneurial project that didn't quite pan out while she went overseas and made big money - an arrangement we agreed to.)
So now, she's gone off the deep end, making all kinds of crazy decisions... including getting a loan from the OW she's known for less than two months to buy the condo in the hood.
She's been gone all day with her... I've been gone all day, too, but am back sooner than she. I'm concerned about her. What do you do when you are convinced that your WW is headed for a stroke or worse, because she's so off her rocker? I know there isn't anything I can do, but I am seriously worried about her. She's not right. I mean, none of them are. But there are so many things not right at the moment. I wish I could get a group of friends and do an intervention. Not that it would probably matter.
Just one more thing to keep me up at night. Going to have a glass of wine here and chill before bed... and yet another week of insane adventures...
Goodnight, good people.
There's nothing you can do but let her go.
Wishing you the strength needed to actually do it.
Thank you Bob. I get it about the realtor situation. I don't disagree with Wonka. My W and I are both real estate investors, and I could get anyone to do this - we both know a bunch of realtors. But I don't think it's such a big deal to let my WW do it, really. I'm not punishing her, and I don't need her. But it would be the most efficient way to move forward, and apparently, time is of the essence.
She came home tonight, crying... hugged and kissed me, said, "I'm sorry I hurt you, babe. I just can't help it." Then went to pour a glass of wine and watch a show with me on the TV. After it ended, she talked about the course she signed up for to become a physical trainer, about her business, about her upcoming move, her motivations for everything. I bit my tongue whenever I wanted to make a point, and just VALIDATED. It's been peaceful. I think we'll go to bed soon, and we'll see what tomorrow brings.
I know my wife is in there somewhere. And I hope that someday, I get the chance to find her again.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
