Am going to church this afternoon. It helps me a lot. I am trying so hard to remain positive despite all that looms ahead of me.
H has been saying he wants a d for nine months now. Nothing has happened. He is depressed and distant. He has appraised the house and is talking about taking a loan out to pay me off and get me out of his life. Says he wants a fresh start. Then, he starts calling me and not mentioning d but still being distant and strange.
I don't know what to think. I guess I just have to go to treatment and go to jail and deal with my messes and not focus on him. He can do what he wants...I can't control him. I am trying hard not to fight with him about anything, yet not to give in to him on things that I shouldn't give in on. It is difficult to say the least. I don't want to make this easy for him...and yet, I don't want to make it hard on him either. I love him.
I am really confused today. I guess I need to stop thinking about things. I need to just enjoy my son and go to church and praise God for what good things I do have in my life.
I need to stop obsessing about H and what he is thinking. The focus has to be on me.
I have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. Thank God for that.
I hope that things continue to get better.
I continue to honor and pray to St. Rita, patron saint of the impossible.
