The end

[mustardseed]

My kids are struggling but don't let on. I find out that they are hurting when I hear d12 crying at night. When s13 tells me his friends keep asking why ow and his dad are always together. When d12 asks me who dad went to see when he went away because ow's daughter told her her mother was in the same state that weekend

They have all the same questions I have. I am making mistakes with them. I'm struggling between wanting to be honest with them and keeping their dads reputation in tact for them. I want to get them in counseling to help me navigate and to help them cope. I snapped at s13 for no reason yesterday just because he was behaving like h. Being moody but saying he's fine. It was unfair of me and I recognize my fault in that and I apologized but I'm struggling with this parenting piece right now. S13 feels very protective of me and it makes me uncomfortable. I don't want him to feel like I need him to take care of me. I do t know how much of it is his age and how much of it is me coming across as week and vulnerable. I need to change that. I think if I can truly detach and move on they will be better off. They love their dad and they should. I love their dad too. I just hate who he is right now.