Mighty, I am very sorry to read about your dad. Do you know what prompted him to fall off the wagon? Did something stressful happen? Your mother will figure out what she needs to do and she will support your dad in whatever way she can. The only thing you can do is be supportive in your dad getting the necessary help to get him back on track. He's the only one that can do something about his illness.
Your xh has got a real issue w/your D14 not wanting to go w/him to his mother's house. He doesn't get it that she 1) may not wish to go there; 2) she's got her own busy life to lead; and 3) she doesn't need to tell him if it's her dance recital or not...what matters is that she wants to attend.
He is facing some of the consequences for his actions and he doesn't get it...his children have lives and do not want to spend time w/him when he wants them to do so. He's going to have to work around their schedules a bit this summer (or so it seems).
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
