Well its been a busy couple of weeks and will be for the next couple as well which amongst everything else has meant very little time awake and on my own which meabs I've not had a chance to check the boards. I will try to see what I've missed when I get a chance.
A few things to update on from me.
Well I had started to suspect all was not rosy in OM land for XW but turns out I was way off as she has decided to introduce him to the kids. We agreed that we would tell each other before doing something like that and she kept up her end by texting me last night.
I won't pretend otherwise it was like a gut punch, but that's because I'd allowed my hope to grow. Ruined my mood for a few hours even though I was in a restaurant with old and very good friends.
I replied with a 'thank you for telling me, I hope it goes well'
It reminded me its not what I want in The slightest and has made me want to tell her that, to tell her how much I still love her but equally I know that doesn't do anyone any good and it certainly won't stop her progressing her R with OM1 or encourage her to want to reconcile with me. So I won't be saying anymore to her than I have already.
All I can do is move on.
So on that line the me based update. Well I aced the exam, though people seemed disappointed I didn't get full marks. It raised some personal questions for me as once again it was something where I really could have tried a lot harder but didnt. This makes no sense as the only person that has any impact on is me.
It's like I don't try so I have an excuse if I fail or so I can act all nonchalant if I pass. I love the fact I can just wing everything but I'm getting annoyed that I'll still do that even when it makes no sense to - its something I'm trying to explore with my IC
My holiday with the kids was amazing. I loved having them for so much time (13 of 15 nights) and it really helped my bond with them both. Really tiring though. It was strange to spend that much time with my dad though but was a good case study in NVC - hyper vigilant wounded jackal would be a good description of my dad as standard. But rather than annoyance I felt more sympathy for him about it and got a better sense of where its all coming from.
Anyway so its all been good until I got the update from XW but I realise that any hurt I feel is only because I was duped by my own hope and expectation. I need to put that aside and get on with the show.
I do miss her enormously though.
Take care all
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
