Well, we have many things in common don't we? I just caught up on your thread.
I feel that I am at the end of my rope (metaphorically of course). The daily reminders are so freaking hard. How I wish I could just leave this awful place and go back home with my kids. Of course that is not possible, I am locked into this battle of wills.
Why did this happen is what I have asked myself over and over and yes it is POINTLESS, it did and that's reality.
Been busy today with errands and birthday parties and play dates, laundry and everything else under the sun to keep active. it is hard enough to stay distracted while not busy and even harder when I am not busy with life. Keep moving forward.
Everyone tells me how thin and marvelous I look, and I just say yeah, a new diet, thanks. If they only knew the real reason. Eating is again becoming a problem. Just do not have the appetite. I am drinking milkshakes and protein shakes and anything to put some weight on and that is easy to intake.
So I see you have been at this terrible game much longer than I have and I admire your strength and tenacity. How are your kids doing?
Yes, we talked many many times about values and how important they were to us and the children. I grew up in a non religious Protestant household, she is a pretty religious Christ oriented house hold. After our kids were born she wanted to get them baptised, and I agreed it would be a good thing. After that we started attending the church regularly and after a couple of years, low and behold I asked the pastor to baptise me privately because I felt it was a personal decision plus I was an adult.
After accepting Jesus into my life, I casually mentioned it to W and she was only mildly interested. To me it was a HUGE deal. I felt I made a lot of progress spiritually and emotionally for ME and to be a good role model for our family. Now it hits me, she never told me she was proud of me, or any of my accomplishments. Never. She only would say "You don't get rewarded on what you should do." I used to give her compliments all the time about how she was the prettiest girl in the room, how proud I was of her for XX or YY or giving me the strength I needed to be the best I could be. What does that say about me?
Now since bomb drop all of that flew out the window, just like that. I guess our values were not the same at all. I attend another church now, easier where no one knows me or my story. I am glad for just blending in.
