Pushing on

[Sotto]

JMHO - but I don't think filming your W is a good way to go if you hope to try and save your M. It may just be best to reflect on the feedback and see if there is anything for yourself that you can take from it. V posted some insightful questions on Bob's sitch about the difficult text he just had.

It may just be anger talking from your W, but it is always worth having a good look at the feedback, after which time you may decide to discard it. This is a difficult question to ask, but is it possible that your behaviour may have been such that at times it could have been perceived as abusive?

An occasional poster - Joe - received similar feedback from his W. You may find it useful to have a look at his posts from that time too...maybe 5/6 months ago...

[NDY]

Hi Toots

I read Bob's post. I get there is a grain of truth in there. But, if intervening in her disrespective behaviour right in front of my nose is considered abusive then ok. I was being a stand up guy who's not willing to be trodden on.

On the other hand in the past. Before all this nonsense started no. There is no abuse of any kind. And I do mean that.

[Georgia Bulldogs]

Anything you buy can be opened up, "tested" and returned so go with the most expensive smallest stealth unit you can find, then simply return it afterwards.

Then again, I think there are pretty simple apps for a cell phone to become a stealth recording device and it just sits there inconspicuously.

[Huddy]

I think NDY just needs to protect himself. In the UK (Scotland) any type of 'abuse' claim is treated as being a good cause to prevent the sane spouse from seeing their children and Sheriff's will normally just accept that. Not point scoring, but a way of maintaining a sensible defence strategy if W goes legal.

[NDY]

I think NDY just needs to protect himself. In the UK (Scotland) any type of 'abuse' claim is treated as being a good cause to prevent the sane spouse from seeing their children and Sheriff's will normally just accept that. Not point scoring, but a way of maintaining a sensible defence strategy if W goes legal.

^^this. He and painter are correct. I have no choice.

[Upnorth]

Good luck man!

[Painter]

She is very manipulative in her language, and I think you could point that out. It's concerning to me if she's talking to S9 about 'sleepovers', because that's playing mind games with him, making him uncertain about the security of him living in his own home. I'd suggest counseling to agree on ways to handle this so S9 is not put in the middle or used as a weapon.

She may have to tell herself something bad about you in order to justify her actions. It reminds me of H's complaints and tales of how our M was doomed from the beginning and we've never been happy...

I think you can say right out to her that in light of her effort to falsely accuse you of being abusive, you are very hesitant to meet with her, and will only do so after you have consulted with your lawyer and found a proper way to protect yourself while still making sure S9's interests are taken care of. She can expect you to only meet in a public place and perhaps with a witness present.

If she's coming to the house, I think you should be there and someone else should be there with you.

I have an app on my phone that worked great to record conversations - it's called Smart Voice. It has neat features like not recording when it's quiet for some time, and it's very good at adjusting for background noise. You can load these files onto your computer with another app, WiFi File Transfer - that's an awesome app for anything you want to back up from your phone.

I think you're handling this really, really well! I admire your cool - may it last!

[NDY]

Morning all.

So my SIL posted an article on emotional abuse in relationships and what that looks like. I'm following up on what toots said earlier and I'm beginning to realise many things.

WW was always in control of the finances.
WW decide on pretty much everything, house we bought, where we lived, holidays etc.
All of our bills are in her name.
As years went on it even became what I wore. Not just what I bought but actually when getting ready, say for a night out I would pick something out then she would critise it.

I didn't realise until now just how deep I allowed that to get. It all started to turn very controlling after S9 was born. Up to then our arrangements were team work.

Man, how did I let that happen?

So there is a list of 180's right there.

[Pyrite]

wow i go away for a week and the world turns upside down. at least you might get some peace this way. still, custody and when you see your son is a big deal. why doesn't he stay with you? The less change there is for him, the better. why does mum get to take him away? see L. doesn't seem right.

where does this control freak claim you abused her? I know what you mean about sensitive towards abuse. Its the same here, flavour of the month even politically, so it is the dread of every man in my/our positions. They shoot first, ask questions later.

[NDY]

Hi py

Basically, because she's the mother she recons S9 should be with her and I get the crumbs. Doesn't work like that but she doesn't care. That's why she took S9 while I was at work then claimed she did that because she was scared of me (manipulation 1) because I was mentally unstable (manipulation 2) and emotionally abusing her (manipulation 3). Wanna know why? Because I protested at her texting I'm right under my nose. Yea, I know.

So she doesn't automatically get S9 and she knows this. So to try and get her way she needs to make me the bad guy.