[sandi2]

Also, she is now already acting nice again, but we all know that is most likely fake and trying to throw me off (last couple days especially). I know this and i will not be swayed again like before. She has started initiating a couple things, like kissing me before she leaves, but again, im sure this is probably to get me to back off, which isnt going to happen at this point...

How did you respond to her acting nice and kissing you?

Now is where i need you to make sure i use it wisely and do all i can.

IDK, I didn't do so well at getting you to hold off on confronting her. . All in all, everyone makes their own choices, and all the board can do is offer suggestions.

It is important that you continue to show her you are a man who will not tolerate disrespect, and she will test you to see how far she can push those buttons. I can't remember if it was you, or who, that said something about not having plans for this stuff but doing it as it came. However, I think you were able to bypass a few hits b/c you were warned about it, and therefore, prepared when you saw it happening so quickly. So I think it is smart to think ahead of how you will react to some things she may do.

Now that you have told her (in the confrontation), it is my opinion that you not repeat those same statements. ar the least, don't make them your default answers when you can't think of anything else. I have seen some guys do this and, to me, it seems to lose some of its effectiveness on the WW. It's best just not to have a R talk until she has ended the A and wants to save the M. The most effective way of getting her attention now, will be through your actions.

For example, you told her you would not live in an open M. She is going to see if you really meant it. Are you prepared to stick to what you said? A lot of LBS's throw that statement around, but they are depending on their "words" to do the trick. It doesn't. You have to back up what you say. That is another reason I was trying to get you to wait about confronting her. Men say a lot but when time comes for action, many are too afraid of losing their WW to back it up. Not saying you are, just saying many are.

You may find yourself hesitating to get out and GAL, and want to give excuses for not detaching. An example would be, "Shouldn't I be spending more time with her, if she's ended the A"? "If I detach, won't she think I do not want to save the M"? "What if she thinks I have lost interest? Won't it just push her further away"? These questions have been asked hundreds of times. The LBS seems to want to assure the WS they still want to work on the M. However, that is the uncertainy or insecurity (no offense) in the LBS, b/c the WW is not the one who is asking for his reassurances. It is my personal opinion that if the LBS would not be so eager to repeat his willingness to save the M, his WW would be more interested in his intentions. MWD says they should "wonder" about the LBS. FWIW, I agree!

So, get busy with setting and working on personal goals. Don't make goals about what your W will do or say, b/c you don't control her. Make goals about yourself. Get back into having fun with hobbies, sports, old friends, new friends, etc. GAL is really key here, and every person who has done it says it works in helping them. It is a great self esteem builder. Also, exercise regularly. How are you sleeping and eating?

These are not just run of the mill suggestions.......they are important. You have to take this period of time, now, to focus on you and taking care of your mental, physical, and spiritual health. Otherwise, you will crash and burn. In all likelihood, this is going to be a long journey, so you have to be in shape for the long haul.