Hi W, I'll be driving through (town) Sunday after the seminar and would love to stop in for 5 minutes to say Hi and hug (dog). We should finish around 11am - will you be around?
Hi Pigpen, I suggested a couple of tweaks. I think it's okay to reach out, as long as you can:
a) Shrug and pass on through if she says no b) Stay for a quick coffee and be upbeat without being OTT c) Avoid any looking sad or R talks d) Look and smell good without going overboard
I say go for it!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Chuck prepped me to be cool as a cucumber if I get a "no" from her for any reason and if I get a yes to follow your suggestions Toots. If I can stop in, I plan to stay for no more than 10 minutes and be on my way.
Much appreciated.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
You got great advice, and I really like your plan.
I wish you the best!
P.S. Thanks for the post in my thread. You are a riot and cheered me up.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Sent the text this morning on my way home, but unfortunately my W said that she and our dog would not be home till this evening. I wished her a happy Sunday and left it at that.
Chuck told me that one of the ways to show improvement is in how you handle getting a "no" from your W so I kept it short and didn't follow up with anything. Kept my chin up and drove home. Today isn't the day.
The meditation group was very cool, kept me centered and calm for the evening and morning. There was a talk about holding space for people that are struggling in our lives and I related that to my W. Even though I'm the one that has gotten sober, gotten heavily into therapy, and meditation, on some level I know that it's my W that's suffering.
My thinking that I am holding space for her while she heals and gets strong enough for this next chapter in her life whether I'm in it or not, made me feel better. It took a little bit of the sting out of being an LBS, even though the dull ache is still there.
In order to hold space well, I have to stay positive, stay strong, stay sober, and keep living a healthy life - and be detached from any particular outcome (sounds a lot like DB principles). So in many regards it's a win win and a much more positive way of looking at the situation than "I can't believe this happened to me." or "How could she do this to me."
All day I've thought instead, "I'm just going to make sure I'm a healthy mountain that's here if she needs to come back to it, even if it's only for a short time before leaving again."
Maybe this will help another DB'er who's reading this. It's helped me.
Hope everyone had a good weekend.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Hey, PP, just stopping by. I liked the way you handled the "no" response from W. We read constantly to have no expectations, and looks like you nailed that one. Good job.
