I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but your marriage as you know it is already over. Your post above is about piecing everything back together....but that's several steps down the road from where you are right now.
Start by detaching. Start by getting your own life. Start by identifying 180s and implementing them. Start by working on YOU. Don't worry about rebuilding right now
It's not easy. It's definitely not painless. But you can do it.
