Actually, I just canceled the book deal. I can not at this point do my best work and don't want to give them less than that. I explained that I was going into treatment and hope to work for them in the future when I am well. The editor told me to take good care of myself. I hope that bridge is not burned.
I am having a very rough day. Bible study was good except for a strange call from my H. (see other post that explains that above)
The call left me feeling confused. Did he just want to talk to me? Did he just want to tell me his beeper was dead? Who knows?
Unfortunately for me, I am still so in love with him that it hurts terribly. I wish he were still in love with me.
He's not, though and I have to face that fact.
The house did not appraise as high as he wanted and he is bummed out about that. We haven't talked other than that brief phone call...for a few days now.
I feel so very alone without my son here. I am counting the days until I go into treatment. I hope that I can wait without losing it. Some evenings I just want the pain to end and want to be anything but alone....so far I have managed not to drink, have taken my meds, and am still cooking and eating. That for me, right now, is a miracle.
I am thankful to God and to St. Rita for my H's strange phone call. At least he wanted to talk to me for some reason....or be considerate enough to let me know that I can't beep him to get a hold of him.
That was nice of him. And that's a miracle.
Well, am running out of things to write about...gonna run for now...thanks for your support!
