Sorry to read that your sitch is suffering some of the same madness that mine is. I do often wonder what must be going on in their heads for the nice/not nice behavior. Hang in there my friend.
M: 50 W: 47 No kids together M: 10 T: 11 BD #1: 12/14 R #1: 7/15 BD #2: 1/18 D Filed: 6/18/18 D Final: 01/28/19 Currently still in-house
W has gone off to work, but I know she'll be back around 1400hrs. So, I've come downstairs with the kids and she has left her phone open on the kitchen side at a text she sent to her sister on Thursday. Well, I know I shouldn't, but it's not snooping if it's in plain sight, right?
It's a script of what she said to me on Thursday, virtually word for word. Now I know SIL is orchestrating this campaign from the background. I'm not going to do anything with this information. I guess she's been reviewing the past few days and has left it by accident. There is some hurtful stuff in there as well but that's what I expect.
To say she didn't want to sit on the new setee (couch, sofa) W has made herself quite comfortable on the recliner part and seems to have made that her new sitting place.
Tomorrow will be 12 weeks since this madness started and I'm beginning to think it's a lost cause. She's still so angry, appears to have no feelings left for me and is in constant denial about how upsetting this is for the kids and how destructive her behaviour has become. She has made no financial plans for the future (I know it's not my problem, but it'll become mine if the kids are involved) and seems to just bounce from scenario to scenario.
W didn't react well to LRT, so I don't know what to do next. Sandi2's rules make sense, but if I practice no communication etc. that pushes her away, if I try to talk to her, that pushes her away. Problems, problems.
Last edited by Huddy; 06/13/1508:56 AM. Reason: spelling
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
W didn't react well to LRT, so I don't know what to do next. Sandi2's rules make sense, but if I practice no communication etc. that pushes her away, if I try to talk to her, that pushes her away. Problems, problems.
I hear ya. This is where I'm at as well. I'm just beginning to think I did it all wrong.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
It must be frustrating knowing that you SIL is still calling the shots. I have the same problem with LRT and NC. My W does not respond well to either. I am at the same juncture that you are right now. Hugs
M: 50 W: 47 No kids together M: 10 T: 11 BD #1: 12/14 R #1: 7/15 BD #2: 1/18 D Filed: 6/18/18 D Final: 01/28/19 Currently still in-house
Mini spewfest this afternoon after her L sent her letter saying I hadn't responded to her requests for my pension details etc. asking if they should send me another. We live in the same house, what do you think? I asked if she'd talk to me, but that got the predictable response about how I need to move on and she's finished with the relationship. Decided not to react, but walk away.
Then, in the unusual world of WAS, she asked me to move the new furniture around and move the TV back on to the wall. She then inspected the new setee to see if there were any flaws in the leather etc. Funny, because on Thursday, she wanted nothing to do with it.
W then asked me to hold the kids whilst she cut their hair (this is particularly challenging for S with his disablement). How's she going to do that on her own.
Need a strategy. Sandi2 - help!
Last edited by Huddy; 06/13/1504:45 PM. Reason: spelling
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
It must be frustrating knowing that you SIL is still calling the shots. I have the same problem with LRT and NC. My W does not respond well to either. I am at the same juncture that you are right now. Hugs
I'm having trouble understanding this. What is "not responding well"? Of course the WAS subconsciously wants to be chased after. They don't want you to ACTUALLY move on. So of course they aren't going to LIKE the LRT.
Not responding well as in my actions make things worse instead of anything better. Difficult to explain as such other than whichever way I try to do NC etc. she pulls away and when I talk to her she pulls away.
Probably not explaining this very well!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Not responding well as in my actions make things worse instead of anything better. Difficult to explain as such other than whichever way I try to do NC etc. she pulls away and when I talk to her she pulls away.
Probably not explaining this very well!
I think I get what you're trying to say. I'm just having trouble understanding if that's true. The way I see the LRT, you aren't really "pulling away" it's more that you stop chasing. For example, if you're on a walk 3 steps behind your W, what happens if you stop walking? It will "appear" for a little while that she's getting further away, because she hasn't noticed you aren't following. But, the theory is that eventually she'll notice and start coming back towards you.
So I guess I'm trying to understand whether you reached that point in LRT or whether you just saw her getting farther away and started walking again.
So I guess I'm trying to understand whether you reached that point in LRT or whether you just saw her getting farther away and started walking again.
Hi Huddy,
You're going thru a rough time, now. I am wondering the exact same thing Matt is.
Chin up!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Last edited by NDY; 06/13/1506:45 PM. Reason: Auto correct fail.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
