Sorry to hear the news, D. It is a piece of paper, it doesn't have to change your course here. divorce can be stopped as easily as it can be started. So please don't let this bring you down
I know how important it is to want to tell theWAS your feelings. I remember always worrying here that he didn't know I wanted to work things out because everything was so focused on going dark, no R talks that I just felt we never got to talk. We had a similar conversation at my house one night. I did a lot of what you did (I did cry a little) but validated, both said we would do things differently but I didn't say to hold off divorce. Things can change so quickly around here but what is important is that you are working on yourself and you are a better person because of that. Someone (whether it be your W or not) will be lucky to have someone that is self aware and cognizant of their actions.
I do believe most WAS of the LBS that does the work and becomes the better person do regret their choice whether they will ever admit it or not. And the ones that don't... Well the LBS is better off!
Pull back, don't ignore but distance yourself. It doesn't mean you have to ignore every call and text but respond like you would to a neighbor. You are busy out being the guy/dad everyone wants to know. When my H started texting me pictures and things about the kids I would respond and then when he continued the conversation I stopped. This way he knew I acknowledged it and I appreciated him sending things kids related but beyond that no response. I think it's important to not come off rude. It's such a hard balance to find -- being dark and detaching but still coming off friendly without pursuing. I promise you as you detach and drop the rope it will come naturally.
Oh and to echo GB. Divorce is not the time to be friendly. Remember the outcome will effect you and the kids forever. I was given wise advice because I didn't want to be the b!tch H labeled me as. So I kindly referred H to my lawyer.
Oh I'm not sure about that my L is handling anything divorce related. Or this was per my L legal advice, etc. The L gets paid to be the 'bad guy' so to say. Let them handle that part.
