Emotional abuse is a continual behaviour pattern which undermines the healthy mental and physical state of another in order to control, it can involve other manipulations and strategies.
It leaves the targets isolated and often unable to identify exactly the cause of the sadness and confusion.
In order to maintain control a cycle develops, cold disinterest followed by promises of love and change. Intermittent reward. Consider examine the concepts of Stockholm Syndrome on Cadets resource thread.
Here are some techniques of abuse: Withholding, countering, discounting/demeaning/devaluing, dismissing, joking/ blocking, diverting, accusing/blaming, judging/criticing, trivialising, name calling, forgetting, revising/rewriting, ordering, manipulating/lying, denying/negating, anger/aggression, echoing, humiliating, condescending/mockiing
So how do you know if you are being abused?
You are afraid and off balance You enforce your boundaries and that is ignored You feel like nothing you do is right Feel guilty Walk on egg shells Avoid public appearances are subject to shifting sands of expectation Always cave in Subject to threats or intimidation are ignored Embarrassed or social isolated as a result of your partners actions Occasionally 'love bombed' or 'groomed' then ignored Belittled or trashed The first year or so was loving The abuse gradually intensified with different behaviours
Try googling the power and control wheel by Kim Eyer A users believe they have the right to control and get their own way by: ~telling you what to do and expecting obedience ~using force or threats including leaving, suicide and 'sorting you out' ~no discussions, or challenges expected or accepted ~doing whatever they feel like, whenever they want ~blaming the target and taking little or no responsibility
These are broadly the types of actions which are elements in abuse
Isolation Cutting you off from family and friends, moving to a new location, deliberately preventing interaction with others, interfering with car use
Financial Not working or preventing target from working, using or hiding funds for their own use including compulsion and addiction, not paying essential bills, what is mine is mine but what is yours is ours, depriving of basics
intimidation driving recklessly, destroying, giving away, selling or devaluing property of target, using looks/gestures, throwing objects/ punching walls/tearing items, having or using knives and guns, over using alcohol/substances/porn, threatening to remove or hurt children or pets, abusing children or pets to control another
Defining Treating another like a servant, making all the decisions, defining roles, acting like the owner of the castle
Sexuality demanding sex or a particular type of sex, rape or non consensual sex, using language or porn to degrade/diminish, denying reproductive freedom (choosing sterilisation say), putting another's sexual health at risk, denying sex or withholding, insulting another's sexuality, avoiding sex by pretending illness, tiredness, overwork or TV
Physical Biting/scratches, slapping/punching, kicking/stomping, throwing/breaking objects, pushing, confining or preventing leaving (blocking doorways), denying or interfering with sleep, warmth, medical attention food or health disturbance, shoving down steps, tripping, assault with weapons, insisting another change appearance/have surgery etc, risking another's health
So what behaviours are not abusive? Dressing as they please, wearing makeup, appearance Choosing their own food, friends, location, jobs, hobbies, cars etc Fitness status, fit or unfit Choosing to put on or loose weight Visiting friends and relatives Choosing to leave an R or to S Keeping their opinions to themselves Not working on the R Changing who they are Holding different views Going dark or leaving Expressing a different view Not wanting or wanting a holiday Needing time alone Having reasonable personal resources to use Not wanting sex or leaving the marital bed Dealing/not dealing with health issues in their own way To have their own feelings, views or actions Deciding to please themselves Educate or undertake new pastimes To participate in an activity or not Freedom of religion, membership of support groups, take/not take IC or MC or FC To change their mind To request an apology To enter into another R after ceasing the previous R Access to children, pets and home (unless abusive) To request sex, R or discussion To be free of interference To define themselves and enforce boundaries Disagreeing even without discussion
Some be inappropriate and may be an infringement of another's boundaries.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
