Bummer. She's not ready. She wanted to warn you about the divorce papers. That's considerate and you did well to communicate what you want. Not much left to say. Back to distancing and getting served is usually a good time to pull back mightily. Hopefully it's an amicable filing, but that's rare. If her attorney is worth anything they will be asking for full; or, at least, primary custody and making you at most an every other weekend wednesday night dad. This is offensive but it's just an attorney tactic as the starting point in negotiations. But you don't have to act like you know that. BE offended and maybe back off communications with her (requesting that all communications be by text or an divorce/custody app because talking is hurtful) unless and until she drops the divorce (which I think she might be able to do by filing a motion of some kind saying the parties are trying to work things out so the divorce will be put on hold until X date though I'd rather she dismiss the case and file it again later if she wants to). Basically, your offer still stand about this fun summer but not with a divorce petition/fight over your head and the constant threat of being made an every other weekend dad.
She's probably going to want to comfort you about the filing on monday. That's your shot to reiterate to her to either withdraw it or stop it and give you two the summer to have fun and see if things can be worked out or you are putting a stop to these hurtful communications where she wants you to make her feel better about destroying your family. Her telling you she's having second thoughts, telling you she misses you, having sex with you in April, constantly calling and keeping tabs on you needs to stop....you need privacy (a key word to use) as you deal with the loss of your family.
Might be a good time to mention the one good thing about the divorce case is you'll get the opportunity to depose OM. [this might be a good indication of whether she is still wrapped up emotionally in OM...the more this comment effects/bothers/upsets her the more OM is still in her head and in the picture. You see, if OM dumped her to save his marriage, as I suspect, she won't care about OM anymore and feel OM used her. So if won't bother her at all if you threaten depose him..she may even have questions for him herself. But if the affair continues underground, messing with her affair partner should send off huge alarms and upset to protect her turf).
Then you'll have 21 or so days to respond but responding quickly with your own double barrel starting off negotiations point of you getting full custody, her getting every other weekend/wednesday or better yet, supervised visitation at an approved visitation center due to her mental instability might be a good little wake up call that you don't intend to simply roll over on this divorce thing and hand her primary custody. Turn the tables on her. I know even considering being a primary parent is hard but children of divorce do better with their single fathers than with their single mothers. Your wife's behavior (the affair multiplied by the inexplicable inability to apologize, make amends and do what is right) is a pretty good demonstration that she is a fairly incapable parent. You may THINK 50-50 is the best based on your perception of your wife previously but if she follows through with this...she is not that person anymore and you might be surprised at what you can get when you build a case and try. Fathers are winning primary and full custody more and more. She works nights...so the kids should be sleeping at your home every night she works and nights are what counts in custody battles. Best case, by being aggressive you might force her to find a day job away from OM simply so she doesn't lose nights in the custody battle. Away from OM may help her snap herself out of wayward land before it's too late.
The beautiful thing about filing aggressively. You TOLD her this morning you still care, miss your best friend and want to reconcile. She'll know a path out of this custody and divorce battle and if she STILL refuses to take it, you pretty much have your answer about her integrity, or lack thereof.
The path to intimacy is THROUGH conflict. She's not going to snap out of this wayward state if you simply 'nicely' divorce her avoiding as much conflict as possible along the way. Divorce is ADVERSARIAL. Time to put your legal game face on.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
