The longer you each have him the less exchanges that have to occur...so 5-7 days with her and 5-7 days with you works. I like recommending 5 days 5days because then he weekends kind of naturally rotate and the schedule is never the same (which is kind of a pain in the rear for the affair relationship). I forget the system some use but it might be 3 days 3 days 4 days 4 days because it adds up to 14 days so every two weeks ends up being the same.
Son should have access to the house anytime he wants and can come and go as he pleases.
Wife should NOT have access to the house. You don't have access to where she lives. She may have legal access but she can give that up by agreement. You should be secure in your living environment from your abusive wayward wife.
Right of first refusal - I don't know how to word this but if either of you intend to go out for the evening (more than say 2 hours leaving son behind), you both need to give son the option of spending time with the other parent versus being left with a babysitter or relative. You will never do this on your time so it won't matter and hopefully you'll get extra time with your son now and then.
Set up an online divorce/custody calendar system so you can negotiate and message back and forth through the internet versus by text/phone. There's an app for that.
Even though you hope to save your marriage, you must plan this like divorce is inevitable and set up a concise plan now versus having to renegotiate later. This is better for son too.
Offer to buy her out of the house at the price she set for you earlier. Otherwise, you'll agree to "getting the house ready to be put up sale" which could take a really long time while you figure out a way to afford it. Even if you end up putting it up for sale, you can set the price high enough that no one will make an offer and if they do, you might as well take the overpayment.
When she pulls that abuse crap - "how is telling you I don't want a divorce and we can fix our marriage abuse?". Consider it a line of conversation that maybe she'll take and then just listen. Don't take anything she says personally (which isn't easy to do, I know) but consider she's not having her affair AT YOU. This affair is about her and things lacking in her.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
