Zues: thanks for posting. Yes, I absolutely think you are right that I need to hit rock bottom before I can completely detach. I feel like I keep getting close to that point but I haven't quite yet. I feel like it is coming though as I am having more and more moments of disgust my H's behavior. I am just now at 3 months since BD. However it has only 2 months since learning of A. In my mind, that is the true BD as I did not have true story at BD 1. We were also trying to re-establish friendship which is not good for detaching. Read some new posts on detaching this morning that helped.
Job: Not sure it was about me having great time. He did not even bother to ask about my trip, which is partly what made me angry. Almost like he was doing his own LRT. I did ask about his trip and he said he had great time. He is acting so happy with his new freedom and acting like he is not in any pain with the demise of our M. He does not see how he is acting like we are already D because he is only focusing on his needs. He also just keeps nit picking about everything I have said and done since BD. For example, I said in the past I am focusing on working on myself right now for me. I mentioned that by not focusing on changing my issues that I would just bring same issues into a future R. It will just be vicious cycle. Maybe I should have not said that, but it seems reality to be thinking about what D means and my part in it. He is not thinking ahead to ramifications of D yet. So to him, he only hears that I am already on to D and there might be OM/ H in my future and that is what my focus is. That I am even thinking that far ahead to changes for possibility of future H clearly bothers him.
He is trying so hard to convince himself that my changes are not for good/legit or that our M CAN'T change. At the same time I think he WANTs to believe in my changes and that our M CAN change, if that makes sense. There in lies his conflict. Well, that and the A.
Based on our talk, he is was disengaged/still mad that I am making assumptions (according to him) about A. Also mad about my snooping and does not understand what I am trying to find by doing that. Duh?! I do know that snooping is against DB, so I do want to stop. I said as much to him about snooping and he just rolled his eyes. He still is in full denial mode about A.
He did admit he is still talking to other "friends" on an emotional level (EA?) about what he is going through and refuses to stop. I have no idea who these people are that he is confiding in, but the people he is hanging out with are work colleagues that are for the most part all early 30s and not married. Not sure of what value they add. He said he needs to do that because he doesn't want to discuss those feelings with me and needs to discuss with someone. He did reiterate that he still loves me. He keeps saying sometimes it is uncomfortable in our home, feels nervous coming home, etc, but some times it is not. He is not taking any actions on his part to change environment only seems to be me. Still says he is torn about wanting D or not. If he had decided it was, he would be gone. All talk though, so I can't believe any of what he said yesterday. Lastly, we also talked about him moving out and I don't think he wants that or is afraid of it. I am too if I am honest, but that is about detaching issues.
I will focus on exercise and some pampering today. Should help with GAL,and getting some rest.
Last edited by BW05; 06/13/1502:37 PM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
