Let Go VI

[DJin]

Sounds good. I think that's the best thing to say.

If yer L isn't worried about the details of it, I see no problem setting whatever parameters work for you. It IS a big downside to D that we no longer have the other parent's ear and heart when making even small decisions. She's gonna need to learn that. She'll flip out and manipulate about it, but you'll have to just tell yourself that's all totally normal in a D.

At least she misses the kids. Some spouses in crisis just want to get away so bad they totally ditch the kids. And that's harder for the kids, imo. I don't think that means she needs to call them all the time....that seems like manipulation to me....but it is best for the kids that she's still interested in them.

I think non-chalance will be your friend here. You can just make a rule about phone time and how long it lasts before bed time. Or, if the tone of her calls, carrying on about how much she misses them, etc, is upsetting to the kids, and your L says it isn't a problem, then just ignore her calls. Sounds to me like she's turning inside out to find ways to force you to pick up the phone for her.