Pushing on

[NDY]

Old Thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2576812&page=1

so not much movement. WW did text about S9 coming here. He wanted to talk to me last night but she used her work phone and my phone didn't recognise it so I ignored the text as I tend to do with numbers i don't recognise.

She txt at 6am today. S9 apparently wants a 'sleepover' tomorrow. I politely pointed out that this is his home and she doesn't get to dictate where he lives.

And that's when she accused me of mental abuse so it's not a hint anymore. she's actually accused me directly. Well ok, that's just fine as far as I'm concerned. Painter was right so we'll wait until the L gets back with more info. In the meantime Clint Eastwood.

[NDY]

Ok fellow DBers. I have just under 10hrs to come up with a plan. Meeting WW tomorrow to discuss schedule with S9.

I've told her to meet me somewhere public. I'm doing this to protect myself (I didn't tell her that) after her accusations.

So what do you all think? PMA, detached and Clint Eastwood I get but specifically she will ask about the house. Moving this forward etc etc.

Any feedback would we warmly welcomed.

[Painter]

I think you need to talk to your L before meeting with her.

Her accusation of mental abuse holds no merit when she in her next breath asks to meet with you in person! If she was truly concerned, she would try to avoid meeting you.

What was the deal with a sleepover? Did she want to plan a sleepover at one of his friend's on a school night he is with you at home? What's your normal policies for school night sleepovers?

[NDY]

Hi painter.

I think I will meet her but in public. I think that her request helps my case but you may know better.

The sleepover is here, with me. Yes, she has demoted my time with my son to 'sleepovers'. Can you believe that?

Interestingly she also asked to come here to pick up clothes. I did say that this is her house but questioned the wisdom of that so she never came. She will come here later when I'm out. I already had plans for this evening. I did that so that she can't accuse me of stopping her coming here because I wouldn't put it past her. I'm also wondering if she is starting to think she's crossed the line a bit. We will see.

[NDY]

Ok painter. I took your advice. I'll meet with her after I've spoken to the lawyer but this also gives me a chance to tell him about her request to meet in person and to want to come to the house.

[Georgia Bulldogs]

The longer you each have him the less exchanges that have to occur...so 5-7 days with her and 5-7 days with you works. I like recommending 5 days 5days because then he weekends kind of naturally rotate and the schedule is never the same (which is kind of a pain in the rear for the affair relationship). I forget the system some use but it might be 3 days 3 days 4 days 4 days because it adds up to 14 days so every two weeks ends up being the same.

Son should have access to the house anytime he wants and can come and go as he pleases.

Wife should NOT have access to the house. You don't have access to where she lives. She may have legal access but she can give that up by agreement. You should be secure in your living environment from your abusive wayward wife.

Right of first refusal - I don't know how to word this but if either of you intend to go out for the evening (more than say 2 hours leaving son behind), you both need to give son the option of spending time with the other parent versus being left with a babysitter or relative. You will never do this on your time so it won't matter and hopefully you'll get extra time with your son now and then.

Set up an online divorce/custody calendar system so you can negotiate and message back and forth through the internet versus by text/phone. There's an app for that.

Even though you hope to save your marriage, you must plan this like divorce is inevitable and set up a concise plan now versus having to renegotiate later. This is better for son too.

Offer to buy her out of the house at the price she set for you earlier. Otherwise, you'll agree to "getting the house ready to be put up sale" which could take a really long time while you figure out a way to afford it. Even if you end up putting it up for sale, you can set the price high enough that no one will make an offer and if they do, you might as well take the overpayment.


When she pulls that abuse crap - "how is telling you I don't want a divorce and we can fix our marriage abuse?". Consider it a line of conversation that maybe she'll take and then just listen. Don't take anything she says personally (which isn't easy to do, I know) but consider she's not having her affair AT YOU. This affair is about her and things lacking in her.

[Huddy]

Nip down to Currys and get yourself a bodycam. They're relatively inexpensive and can record footage straight to a hard drive. That should cut the 'mental abuse' nonsense down to size.

[NDY]

GB, once again pure gold. I love that tactic. Will plan than one out. I need to keep her at arms length until I work some things out but I like the schedule idea. Will deal with that asap.

Huddy, what's this thing from curries?

[Huddy]

Individual, body worn, CCTV camera. The one's you get from there are the cheap version. Good enough for the job though.

[NDY]

My bro just described that to me. I may just look into that.