Can't sleep because of time change and I am upset, so decided to journal. I need some tough love and a few 2x4s.
I don't know what I am doing anymore with DB. I have tried to detach, but I clearly I cannot. I guess I just don't know how and I am letting my emotions dictate my actions. I know in my head what the right actions are, but that is not what I end up doing. I think I was over emotional yesterday due to jet lag and ended up in argument with H. It is just hard coming back in this house and being ignored, which is what happened. I started off with a pleasant and friendly hello and he just went up to his room. Instead of ignoring it, I tried to make conversation and was just disappointed. When he did not engage, I got angry and pushed bottoms. He was just being so contemptuous with his tone and it just pushed me over the edge. What was different about last night is that I felt I instigated it. H ended up staying elsewhere tonight.
I was doing so much better with DB/detaching/etc. before mid-April when the A come to light, but have obsessing over it since. There is just a lot of hurt that he would do this and anger that he shows no remorse, so that is also influencing my actions. I just need to let it go since I can't control any of it anyway and remember the A is not about me. But it is hard, real hard.
I still want to save my M, but feel like I am starting to self-sabotage. I need to spend this weekend rereading DB and Cadet's tip threads. I know if I don't change soon I will certainly end up in D. Last night, I clearly did not act like a woman a man would be a fool to leave and just moved backwards. I need to help getting back on track. Should I apologize for instigating fight and use jet lag as excuse?
Last edited by BW05; 06/13/1510:53 AM.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
