That lady singing - is she fat?

[Pyrite]

I think not sending her letters would convey the message that you are detached more than writing it to her...but maybe you're so detached you don't care what message she's getting

I wouldn’t say that I am so detached as that. But we do need to have “a” connection for the kids sake. I think I am pulling our connection back up to that. So I absolutely care what she thinks, but only in that respect. I am not talking about the R/M per se, and I think she is getting that now.

On a side note. When I was 20 I returned home to catch my live in GF, in OUR bed, with OM. 7 years later I met her for a drink. An hour after that I was in her bed. The point is that there is no way I would’ve accepted that as a possibility. But time changes everything, well nearly everything .

So, given that I have this R with WAW now, 4-5 months after BD, where we are getting somewhere in terms of me NOT being bitter, and her realizing that. This ^^ doesn’t seem unlikely. NOT that I am waiting for it, or actively want it. That said, I think she will be hot at 37, especially after experiencing a bit of life.


Yeah, I don't sweat a few breaks from reality. I think there are many benefits to it but I don't want to start a grassroots movement on the DB forums. I know you're ok.


Thanks Z. I and many others are keeping a check on me ☺. It is “almost” unnecessary though. I left that behind, went back to Uni, bang, bang, bang and 15 years later most people are astounded that I ever had that in the gutter, party lifestyle. It just isn’t me now.


I can't wait for you to get another 6 months out. Man does it get easier. I'm telling you, this last year I've put so much work into cleaning up my act, I feel emotionally big and strong as if I'd been working out every day...with steroids...stuff that would have soul crushed me to the point of being suicidal just 12 months ago now is like "that's tacky she'd treat me that way". What a blessing. I know you're doing better, and I just want more and more peace and joy in your world. Good job Py.



I can’t wait ☺. I have moments where I feel great now.




Only tip is not to stop. Keep digging. Don't mistake acceptance of a loss with growth. They are two different things. Almost everyone gets over the loss. But really take the time to grow as well.

I am paranoid about becoming complacent, which I hope will steer me away from it.



Remind me again, what are some of your personal growth goals? Let's not let that fall off the radar, that's the name of the game!



Big questions. I’ve gone all the way back to core beliefs now. I am constantly mindful of this now. For example, last week I was heading to the office from the carpark, and I noticed that my “mood” changed sub-conciously when I saw the entrance. I stopped myself and re-ran it in my head with from a positive belief and by the time I reached the stairs I was looking forward to those same things which I anticipated as I walked through the corridor, and only a moment ago my brain geared it self to dread those same things.

It is a work in progress, and I don’t see myself leaving from this path ever.

[Pyrite]

Z, another way maybe - thats exactly what I am wrapping up. I am handing it to her on a platter. The balls in her court entirely. If she gets nasty, then we're ready to go there.

According to where I'm told this usually ends up, in a hardcore custody dispute, I've done all the work, and am committed. I have facilitated this so far. And I didn't even want this. So I'm dropping the B in her court now.

I want her to know that I do this without malice. As parents I am suggesting that she consider the most stable of the two households. Mine.

In the meantime she has introduced the children to this "boy" on a temporary work visa, to her friends, parents, family, FB....and her children. I formally requested at mediation for her to consider that including this other man who seems to replace Daddy is not in the best interests of the girls on many levels.

Their relationship with me. Their development of relationship issues. Besides, nobody knows who this guy is.

Anyway, gotta run for now.


I acknowledge now the pressure I am putting her under,

[Pyrite]

but I can't not. she is asking me and the kids to support her new lifestyle. Fine I understand that she might be deluded that I should help send her off into the sunset wither new life. I am the last person she is considering now, but the children, come on, how is this in their best interests.

She has nothing in this respect. I had to act now. Otherwise I am actively defeating myself. Personally, emotionally, perhaps I feel closer to her than ever. But in the sense of "a" future. Maybe 5 years from now? Who knows? I can't hate her at all right now, even if I try, so this is good yeah?

[Vanilla]

Py

I have read your threads twice and confess I am finding your sitch very complex to understand.

I will rework,

In the meantime

Hug

V

[NDY]

Py, I'm a dude. So no hugs. A high five or perhaps a slap on the shoulder. You're an Austrian, you get that.

You are one deep dude. I read your thread hear and on Smothy's thread. Wow you know how to analyse.

I looked at your sig. I can't believe how little time you've been at this but your sitch is so advanced. I get how sh!t it is when your WW is flaunting her OM. It's a boot in the balls (I know you get that).

Not sure how much you follow my sitch. But I got the best advice ever the other day when everything was going pear shaped. Wonka basically said this...

Breath

[Pyrite]

Py

I have read your threads twice and confess I am finding your sitch very complex to understand.

I will rework,

In the meantime

Hug

V

If I can help clarify anything just ask. I can summarise succinctly-ish nowadays.

[Pyrite]

Py, I'm a dude. So no hugs. A high five or perhaps a slap on the shoulder. You're an Austrian, you get that.

You are one deep dude. I read your thread hear and on Smothy's thread. Wow you know how to analyse.

I looked at your sig. I can't believe how little time you've been at this but your sitch is so advanced. I get how sh!t it is when your WW is flaunting her OM. It's a boot in the balls (I know you get that).

Not sure how much you follow my sitch. But I got the best advice ever the other day when everything was going pear shaped. Wonka basically said this...

Breath

Thanks mate. It's the sentiment that counts, not the man-hug

Thanks, I think, (about being deep). I have often thought that I have come a long way, and sometimes I think even an extraordinarily long way considering the time that has passed. I credit this to several factors:

1. I think this is how I am anyway (deep). My friends this week would vouch for that. I always have been, even as a teenager 25 years ago. This can be a blessing and a curse, but I cant and won’t change it. The lows are very low, but the highs make it worth it. This could also part of the problem with my W. Now that she has this R with OM, I can almost guarantee you that he is nothing like me in this respect, and I can picture her throwing her hands up in the air “Thank God. I don’t want to think, I don’t want to be deep.” She is enjoying the superficiality of life. Which is fine, and an understandable position, but it wouldn’t work for me.
2. I am lucky (maybe) that my job is basically thinking. So it is difficult for my “boss” to say when I am not doing my job. Rather than an active distraction over the past 4 months, work has been pretty much like home, thinking about my sitch. So I have in effect lived with this for twice as long since BD.
3. Meditation. I try to meditate everyday, for at least 10 minutes. At first this was absolutely necessary to calm me. When you get back into the groove it can be used to sharpen focus in your mind, which then carries through to the rest of life anyway. When the time is right you can even bring a problem in to your meditation and focus on that. Of course you can always go for Nirvana, but that’s a bit out of my league for the moment.
4. These boards allow me another avenue to tell, consider and experience. And if you weren't all real, good people it wouldn't mean even close to half as much.

I’ve been really slack catching up on anyones’ sitch the past week or so.

“Breathe” is great advice.

Meditation is centred on your breath. In the first month I commented to IC that I couldn’t focus to meditate at all. She suggested the same, just breathe. i.e. Don’t try and control your breath, nothing, just breathe. When you can do this you can move on to focusing on where your natural breath can be felt most. After that of course you can move on to various ways of controlling your breath.

But certainly in the first instance, just breathe.

[Pyrite]

I am on the plane on my way home ☹. This has been a great holiday. Rested from the previous few months. Worked through the past few months. Prepared for the coming months. Worked through that. It was like a Pyrite Retreat.

Now its unpack, round out the day, one day to prepare, and then off to the girls for a week. There is going to be s**t to deal with for the next few months while we sort this out. That’s just unavoidable. My “new-ish” mantra is that the girls are only limited by how well I deal with this. If I can be rock solid and move forward, enjoying life, then so will they. At least they will have the place to do it, the opportunity.

Time to get my single Dad groove on.

[Pyrite]

and NDY, every sitch is different. If she was in my face, like your sitch, I doubt I would have any control. Dont sell yourself short mate. I think you are a pillar to be in the face of it all the time.

I have "bad" thoughts every minute. Rather than trying to stop them, I find it is more productive to let them pass and concentrate on what you really should be appreciating. It might seem really dumb, but step by step, it works.

[Bob723]

I have "bad" thoughts every minute. Rather than trying to stop them, I find it is more productive to let them pass and concentrate on what you really should be appreciating. It might seem really dumb, but step by step, it works.

Hello Pyrite,

I don't think it's dumb at all. You are grieving and you have to let those feelings come and pass. It's all part of a healing process.

BTW, I think you are doing such a good job fighting for your girls. Keep it up!

Take care my friend.

Bob