hold on! - 10

[u-turn]

Thanks V for sticking with me. I do try to stay away from here from time to time - I have been trying not to obsess over my life so much and staying busy with other things. I have taken on a necessary large house project here too - with future sale in mind.

You can choose not to be the cake and behave as the friendly neighbour. They are not exclusive.

Behaving as if you were the friendly neighbour won't make you not cake either!

In other words if W sees you as potential cake that's good isn't it. Means there is still attraction and the friendly neighbour bit keeps the path home smooth. Behaving as if you were a friendly neighbour doesn't make you one either.

So, if you are going to expect WW to give up OM 100% immediately then that's not going to happen. From what I can read WW have a real tough time with the emotional stuff in piecing.

So for the sake of your kids, if for no other reason like standing, apply Sandi guidelines. Smile. Act as if.

Would you interact with someone who doesn't smile at you, won't go to dinner with the family, and treats you like you don't exist?

That's not to say that you should be cake, 2nd choice or walked all over.

I do get this. I have tried this. Tonight, rather than cooking, I decided to carry in something and waited a while for W to get home. She asked if we should just go out and get something and I agreed. So W, D15 and I went. I don't believe it went very well, we were just their together with D15. No conversation, but no fighting (we really never fight). Just nothing.

Now it's another weekend - I dislike weekends because of the discomfort in my house. More of the same. I try to get away as much as possible.

Plans for next week - I texted S21 and am meeting him for lunch on Monday. I haven't talked to him one on one in a very long time, and I plan on filling him in on the situation.

I told S17 that he can talk to me, ask me questions - even though in the past, the answers from W have been it's none of your business. He seemed relieved by this a little, didn't ask me anything, but seemed happy that he could. I am going to have the same conversation with D15 (I don't think this will go as well - she has not wanted to acknowledge the problems in our house).

I have a meeting with L on Tuesday, IC on Wednesday (she's convinced me to keep going to see her) and my work is going very well - feeling creative again - am enjoying showing my kids what I am working on (and talking enthusiastically enough that I think I am convincing them that I am happy again) - I used to be able to show my projects to W to get her input and critiques.

As far as the lawyer goes, I am looking forward to this, and am a little scared by this too. I want to learn from him, but don't know what his advice will be. Hopefully I will gain confidence in my actions and upcoming actions.

One more note before shutting down - I just don't feel like this situation is going to change. It really is like she is waiting for me to act. Our last round of conversations (which was about 20 minutes long and lasted for about 9 days), I got this: she wishes I would have killed myself, she was sorry for saying that, she still loves OM, she will not leave the house, so she thinks we will have to sell the house (because I want to stay and she wants to stay) - that was 3 weeks ago and nothing since.

By me even playing friendly neighbor, doesn't it just prolong this nothingness? It is already miserable here for me and for her. I really don't know how she can stand it here. I can barely stand it her when she is home. In-house separation stinks - doesn't work.