You know at my IC she said some interesting things:
1. Not everything my STBX says is the gospel - simple things she says would and still does completely sabotage my self worth and confidence. She said I need to get another thought in my head when she says stuff like "You will ruin the kids lives if continue down this lawyer path" and "You will destroy any shred of a relationship if you don't get rid of your lawyer." Everyone says she manipulates me and I go for it. Not any more.
2. I am getting my self respect back. I am accomplishing it by saying "no" to STBX and "no" to an open marriage and "no" to not firing my lawyer and "no" on summer camps she picked out ($900 per week!!!), no to being "best friends who co parent and no to being a doormat.
Now I can see how damaging that was to me to have done that for so long. In reality I knew she wanted to leave and I was trying to be what she wanted. When the harsh realities of life comes up, she runs. She did it once before and now she has really taken off.
It is best we don't talk or see each other now. At least there is no spew. And the only way that happens is when I don't engage, I don't think having an argument by yourself is much fun.
No pursuit from me and no response from her. The dance is over and again, I am getting used to my new life. Yes, there are bad ddays that I still have to pick myself up and crawl out of the emotional hole but little by little I can see the sunshine and I am grateful for it.
3). My prayers are now for strength to accept His Will whatever that may be.
4). I realize I have my own path to walk. It's my destiny and the truth, and it's one foot in front of another every day.
It is only through pain that enightenment or achievement happens. Life is struggle, life can be hard, life is beautiful.
