Really Random Ramblings

[tadpole1025]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate it.

I'm not good. Not good at all.

So sad. On the verge of tears almost all the time. Almost everything has now been taken from me. So much lost. So much death.

I had so much in my head when I sat down to write this, but don't even know how to start or put it into words. Can't even remember it all.

Both of my rats are now gone.

They were probably a bigger part of my life than they should have been. But...they were all I had. They were my BEST friends. They were really my ONLY friends.

I'm so, so tired. And so done.

Last night, I wanted to sit in the shower with the lights out like I used to right after XW left. Her MLC really did a number on me I'm afraid. Messed me up.

Five years ago, the rat thing wouldn't have even bothered me. Now, I'm just sad. So very sad.

People have told me that I should get more rats or a dog. I honestly don't think it would be healthy for me to ever have a pet again. I would love to get more, but I don't want to go through this every two years. I'm done with the sadness. That's all my life has been for the past 5 years. One thing after another.

I feel so bad for my boys because they have lost everything too. Maybe we are cursed.

I'll post more later.