You know I made and make many mistakes according to the DBing line. In my humble opinion I would try to protect myself and my kids in order to maintain a good head over my shoulders.
If you get too emotional, confused, and maybe even depressed, then you family will suffer the consequences. So, I think that the best is to try to keep life as normal as possible and detach yourself further.
Now, saying that does not mean that your W won't have any support in case she needs. It's good if she knows that the door is open and that she can always ask for your help if she needs it.
The whole jealous business is up to you. It's about how much you can forget and forgive, how much trust you can built again after all this, if there is a R, how things will work out. You have been changing and so as your W.
If it comes to a R after this period of S, then you may need to go to MC and even FC since the kids are involved in it.
That can change the dynamic of how things are viewed by you. Forgiveness is a supreme gesture and feeling and it is possible when we get to the conclusion that we are not perfect.
Sometimes I feel that since the beginning you two don't talk openly about anything. It's not even the matter of talking about the R, M. But maybe just the two of you could go somewhere to have dinner and discuss what are the plans from here forward.
That would be a way to have things a little more straight and have some idea of what she wants to do. If the conversation is calm, adult, without punches on each other. Then it could help you to find out what she intend to do. If she wants to get back with you, if she wants to have some MC, if she is totally done with you and your M.
The truth is that you just don't know anything and maybe it is not even the right time to know if your W is still in her craziness transition period. I really don't know.
I just think that sometimes we need to take care after business and have a better position for ourselves independent of what our WAS want, and independent of what we really want to happen.
In my situation, it is getting very close to my D to be final. But in some ways, I have the practical side resolved. It is what it is and if it just happen that my H comes back, then we need to talk about it. Think about I want if that happen and decide what to do then.
Maybe it is time for you to sit down and think what should be done. Your W won't stop bugging you every day, but she won't take any step to change the mess she is in. Is this what you want for the next 6 months?
Your children have been in this situation for the last one year... is this what they deserve?
Your wife does not have family or anyone to help her, it makes you to be responsible... do you want this responsibility?
There are many questions to be answered. Maybe you will need to reflect in what you want for now... not yesterday, and not forever, just for now. If RD wants to detach, then some serious boundaries will need to take place.
You and your wife need to sit down together and work some schedule about the kids. Of course it is not so simple because we have big kids and they have their own opinion. Then it is time for reality check, ask what they want and make it the schedule.
Does your W wants the D, does she wants some legal S or she is just having a sleep over somewhere for an indefinite time? Do you know what she wants?
Sorry, I am probably making your life a little more hell, but for a long time you have this dynamic of W coming and going, crying, complaining, saying she does not have anything with the OM but yet treating him like a BF or a dependent patient. Maybe, because it is hurting you very deeply, it is time for those bloody boundaries.
At this point I will also say like many others have been saying to you, that you really need to do something for yourself. It may as simple as going to a gym to work out, or maybe a concert, a class of some kind, whatever it is, now is very important that you take sometime for yourself.
RD, you know very well that I too have kids and it is very demanding on our lives and time, but we may need to step out of our own comfort zone and expose ourselves to the world again. Like many people say, you may be surprised of how much you have been missing.
Talk more with us all here in the board, share some ideas, look at the positive... where is the man that reminded me many times to look of what I have instead of what I lost?
