Hmmm...good points about the "fairness" issue. They are the one that talk about "fair" a lot and I was trying to talk about it on their level.
My STBX also hammers the point home that I am not "fair" becuase I don't ask the kids what they want, don't let them provide any input. For example, I signed up kids for scouting, (STBX: You didn't ask the kids and they don't wan't to do Scouts, Soccer, Summer Camp option A, B or C). "You call all the shots!" is what I hear over and over and over.
Don't let her spin on things affect how you communicate with your kids. Just because she says things are not fair or that "you call the shots" it doesn't mean that it is true and that you need to adjust how you talk to your kids (although you should always ask yourself honestly if she has a point- if she doesn't - then carry on).
