Sorry you're here Mike, there are a lot of caring people here who share your pain.
Keep your chin up and listen to Cadet and the vets, what they tell you seems like the exact opposite of what you want to do, especially in the beginning but then it starts to make sense.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17