That lady singing - is she fat?

[Pyrite]

Thanks for the update. I understand the role that those type experiences can have in healing. I haven't visited those places for a few years, but sometimes I think it's because I did a few things that have left me permanently there.

I thought I knew which places you were talking about, but now I’m not so sure. It can’t be the “fantasy” place – what about the Disney Princess, that was more recent than a few years? Anyway, those "other" places - I will be “eternally there”, but it has been under control now for many years. It only ever happens for 1 night, or in this case several days, and then it is back to the straight and narrow. I know how easily I could slip, but apart from that NOT being my life for the last 10-15 years, I have kids now man. That trumps everything by a landslide.


Anyway, sounds like you had a great trip (and a good vacation )

Great trip


One caution- fantasizing about future R's can be dangerous. I have been reading Dr. Joy Browne's "9 fantasies that can ruin your life". The book explains that fantasies truly can be destructive, they are highly ingrained in our society, and then she covers them one at a time. Fun read.

It IS exciting to explore future R's, what we'd look for, and to realize we may have some good times ahead. We just have to balance that with our beliefs and reality. I know I am a bit put off with the "I'm better off without WAS, now I can get my dream partner" talk.

Not to worry – I have a big flashing signs with sirens wailing to remind me. I am just letting myself go for the moment. I don’t think I will ever adopt that attitude about WAS. In essence, that is what brought me here. I don’t want to be ‘one of those people” – and sadly, they are the majority. Hence recidivism to unhealthy Rs I guess.


For your sitch, much of that isn't straight DB...but frankly sometimes it takes a number of 'backslides' to really detach. I'm not talking about the letters, although without knowing what all was said I'm not crazy about it (just sending them indicates your craving for emotional intimacy with her).

I certainly “was” craving the intimacy. Now I am (mostly) much more detached than this and my letters have attempted to convey that. I think now we are at a point where she is realizing that I am not trying to be emotionally intimate with her. However, it is a very blurred line. In week 3 I called her to talk to someone about how much I was hurting, not with any other motive at hand for calling her specifically, it was only that she was my closest most intimate friend. And so it is hard to steer away from that even now.

This week though has seen amazing progress in that respect, getting my groove on as a single dad.


But in general I'm hopeful that you're reaching the point you can stop dancing with her emotionally in any way. But that takes time, and maybe you're getting to the point that's possible. I'll give you everything I've got for a little peace of mind


Thanks Z. ^^. I think I am getting there.