My exhausting life part 3

[Zues126]

The things that hurts the most is she said she didn't ever tell me anything was bothering her because she didn't trust me and I asked why I never got that opportunity and she said she didn't want to give me that chance, which ultimately means she didn't want to give our daughters future that chance. And the DESTROYS me

Don't take it personally. Look at some examples:

Friend's kid starts doing cocaine
Sister gets addicted to gambling and has to file bankruptcy
Friend starts overeating due to stress and gains 60 lbs
Co-worker keeps showing up late and loses their job

OK- do any of these have anything to do with you?

Look, you screwed up in your M. EVERYONE does. Literally. There isn't a married person alive that couldn't villainize their spouse and build an iron clad case that they had to file for divorce. M is tough, and for those that believe what their emotions are telling them it's impossible because at some point during the M emotions will scream "if you ever want to be happy get out, you deserve and need more". But some people have what it takes to follow beliefs, and it takes two people like that to make a M work. The fact that your WAW wasn't one of them means no more about you than any of my examples above. The cliche "it's not you, it's me" is ABSOLUTELY TRUE.

But, having said that...she's gone, and no longer part of your life. As contact ceases even when you feel like she's still in your life, more and more it will actually be your projections of her, your memory of her. It is really just you now. So who she is and her issues no longer will impact you. Yours will.

That's why we say you need to just focus on you and work on you. Though I firmly say her leaving the M isn't about you...I also say that her issues don't excuse that fact that we all have areas to grow. Now that she's out, thinking about her, or excusing your behavior by blaming her doesn't position you for a better life. Just let her go gracefully to her destination, and devote that energy to who you want to be, where you want to be a better person, and what you need to do to get there. You have COMPLETE control, because you're the only one who is you, and you are no longer twined with anyone else. Who will you be?