Thank you for popping by to my thread. I see you too are on the recovery and recouping side of things. I admire your resolute position of onwards and upwards. There is indeed a shining light when looking up...cheers to our futures Lady V xxx JB
Thank you so much for your words today V, I wish there was more that I could do for you. Your energy is such a boost to so many of us here on the boards, truly it is.
It sounds like you've got your hands more than full, I wish you lightness of heart, ease of moving, and peace for the day today.
Big hug,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Vanilla, I just wanted to drop by and say thanks. Your posts are uplifting and your advice is spot on. Take care of yourself!
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
I read your thread too, and you have a very encouraging attitude and some really clear and inciseful posts.
Good news today, the homeless staff member and her disabled H who are staying with me were offered their own flat today. We went to see it and are really pleased!
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
When H goes into verbal diarrhoea mode. I spend my time analysing it. Here is the improved version from HP thread:
Spew- incoherent rubbish designed to put you on edge. response: STFU and walk away
Abusive spew: incoherent rubbish designed to put you on edge and insult response: STFU and walk away, next day correct boundary infringement
Rant- all of your "faults" that annoy them designed to release anger for them at your expense response- STFU and then validate " I can see why you might think that"
Abusive rant- designed to release anger for them at your expense and insult response- STFU and walk away, next day correct boundary infringement
Sulk- make you feel small for wrong doing response- STFU and ignore, act as if did not happen
Rail- designed to press your buttons keeps on about one issue, can even involve following you to the loo response- STFU and leave to go GAL
Disappear- designed to make you worry and apprehensive response- STFU detach and act as if all ok
Tantrum- no purpose whatsoever but feels good response- STFU and look surprised
Blame- design to shift responsibility response- validate and deflect if not responsible, if are responsible diffuse by accepting responsible then apologise then walk away
In all sitches detach and if necessary act confused.
Vanilla
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 06/12/1512:49 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I have observed they fall into several categories none of which seem terribly stable. It could be that a WAS or MLC looks to find an ego boost so chooses an easily influence OP, who is not developed as a person and often less than spouse.
Here is Vs a light look at some categories of OP:
1. An innocent or numpty, perhaps young but inexperienced easily persuaded and availability is total. This type is likely to cling and be dependent, to want long term and permanent. Will have poor boundaries as inexperienced, likely that WAS will cheat and cover it up. Will post lots of cute couple pictures on fb once WAS is S. Could feel guilty if A exposed. Prognosis for long term poor as naive will grow up as the limmerance wears off.
2. Narc overt or covert Only interested in married partners, keen to break up marriage to boost own ego. Initially dangerous but will get bored and moves on to break up next marriage. May even tease but ultimately pull away. May break up marriage deliberately to feel superior. May even marry for money before moving on, leaves WAS poorer. Do not challenge as this will only increase the ego boost for the narc. prognosis for long term non existent.
3. BPD Will stalk WAS, charm and then bunny boil. Hard to get rid of, think Glenn Close or the H in gaslight. Stay out of the way of the venom and let WAS deal with the Sitch. Will burn out and repel WAS as the mask falls. Could be dangerous, LBS strategy you can have him. long term no chance.
4. Drama Queen or Poison Baby Will run down spouse of WAS as is afraid the spouse is wonderful and feels inferior. Will try to poison WAS against spouse, may turn up on LBS doorstep and say leave WAS alone, likely to spy, accuse WAS of cheating with spouse, will tantrum and be petulant. gives WAS a taste of own medicine. May even attempt to alienate children and family of WAS. Master in emotional blackmail. No challenge directly by LBS, flirt with WAS will drive this type into more bad behaviour and make more insecure. Short term only.
5. Skank, pond scum and easy lay or bike Exactly what it says on the tin, for one night only or a repeat late nighter. Sex available but not always that good. Very insecure and often superficial, may even be married and a serial cheat. A danger to health. No self respect and no respect from WAS either. Could even be an escort. WAS likely not to want to acknowledge connection. Not worth a thought. Not even short term.
6. In lurve soulmate Ideal companion in early flushes of infatuation but in the fullness of time every day life will cause tensions as WAS has to meet increasing demands of a more normal relationship. Ultimately brown grass not greener grass. Possible longer term but likely a transitional partner to asuage loneliness and aid movement. Allow to run its course, if LBS interferes then it is WAS and OP against the world. Lasting up to 2 years.
7. Lost love Rose coloured glasses, the past relationship between the two failed to make it because of incompatibility or perhaps never started so will this. WAS unlikely to meet lost loves expectations or memory especially if they are in MLC. Illusion shattered. lasting up to 2 years.
8. Charmer or Mata Hari More selective than one nighter chooses the most attractive prey or may be for money. Sex as art. May play games and may be satisfied with EA, long play in seduction after control. No interest in a R at all. About the conquest not the sex. This is all about the chase, may even be married. Could be a work colleague or long distant. Might be a catfish or online. Once caught will extract and leave WAS wanting. Will not tolerate chase. Ignore as no relationship possible.
Hope this brought you a smile
Last edited by Vanilla; 06/12/1501:24 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
