Really have the urge to txt WW to thank her for being at SIL's instead of MIL's. I am so happy I saw S9. Even if it was only for a minute or two. Wrong?
Nope. Next. Non.
I am starting to think you Brits are crazy even if your accents are "lovely."
Thanks wonka. Yes, we are crazy but us Scots are the craziest (just don't tell the N Irish I said that).
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
But be sure it doesn't come across as grovelling or that she has the power to do whatever she wants.
Thanks Mr Bond. I think I'll still with wonka's NC policy after the events of the last couple of days. Seems more appropriate.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Ok, never thought about it like that. I've, no wait we've always tried to be honest with him. I was of the opinion he will bring this up. So I persuade him it's ok to stay with SIL? TBH now that I know he is there and not at MILA's this will be far easier.
Its ok to be honest .. but there is such a thing as age appropriate honesty .... lil dude is 9 and should be thinking about zombies and bike rides .... not about which parent is going to be tugging at him to get him on their side ... he loves you both so do not force him to choose. No talks, persuasions .. nothing .. .be the rock and the leader, if he asks just explain to him that its very complicated and confusing and you are hoping that things work out. Be availible to talk ... but its not his job to hear your (or her) frustrations.
Bottom line .. be above it all, be the best dang father you can be ... its all any of us can do in this situation and its tough when sometimes our worlds are upside down ... the kids are really put in a tough spot.
Be sure that your "NC" is because you're actually GAL and not because you're afraid to talk to her.
Hi Mr Bond. I am so not afraid anymore. I kid you not the last couple of days have been a revelation. I'm not scared to talk to her, text her nor email her. I'm just not going to approach her.
She's still stewing from the other night anyway so any contact would be counter productive and I think she needs a dose of reality staying at SIL's. I just need to work on my budget to keep this place going but I'm sure I can manage. It's all good.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Ok, never thought about it like that. I've, no wait we've always tried to be honest with him. I was of the opinion he will bring this up. So I persuade him it's ok to stay with SIL? TBH now that I know he is there and not at MILA's this will be far easier.
Its ok to be honest .. but there is such a thing as age appropriate honesty .... lil dude is 9 and should be thinking about zombies and bike rides .... not about which parent is going to be tugging at him to get him on their side ... he loves you both so do not force him to choose. No talks, persuasions .. nothing .. .be the rock and the leader, if he asks just explain to him that its very complicated and confusing and you are hoping that things work out. Be availible to talk ... but its not his job to hear your (or her) frustrations.
Bottom line .. be above it all, be the best dang father you can be ... its all any of us can do in this situation and its tough when sometimes our worlds are upside down ... the kids are really put in a tough spot.
Thanks mate. I do try to be that dad. I've always been there for him and am always supportive of his needs. Funny you say about him wanting to think about zombies and bikes. A couple of months ago when I had left this house it was my time with him. It was a rare lovely spring day and he wanted to play with his pals. But he had to go with dad because it was dads time. He cried when he asked to go home. Not because he didn't want to spend time with me but just wanted to be a normal 9yr old.
I brought this up at the mediators. WW wasn't happy. I'm sure the guilt was cutting her up. But that's the kind of thing being the best dad means. So yea, we do fun stuff. Yea,, I distcipline him if necessary. Yea, I teach him new things and go on adventures but I also give him space to be him and learn his own path. Boys need that and (no offence to the ladies) it's better to get this from your dad.
Thanks for the encouragement.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Hi Mr Bond. I am so not afraid anymore. I kid you not the last couple of days have been a revelation. I'm not scared to talk to her, text her nor email her. I'm just not going to approach her.
This type of awakening is liberating, isn't it? I've seen many LBHs discover their inner 'Clint Eastwood' after the first time of putting down their foot on the OM boundary. Once they do this and they've faced the worst spewing from the WAW, they didn't die.
It's a game changer once the realization sinks in. Then things slowly shift.
Hi Mr Bond. I am so not afraid anymore. I kid you not the last couple of days have been a revelation. I'm not scared to talk to her, text her nor email her. I'm just not going to approach her.
This type of awakening is liberating, isn't it? I've seen many LBHs discover their inner 'Clint Eastwood' after the first time of putting down their foot on the OM boundary. Once they do this and they've faced the worst spewing from the WAW, they didn't die.
It's a game changer once the realization sinks in. Then things slowly shift.
Observe. Monitor. Adjust.
Wonka, thanks for this. That's what it feels like and I owe it all to you guys here. Your advice and encouragement helped me 'burst the pimple' so to speak. And man it feels good that it's burst.
Don't know if you got a chance to read my explanation to Mr Bond on the last thread on how I think I got here? But I've laboured the point that, although I agree about becoming a better person and growing etc there was always that bit of me that wondered about the old NDY coming back. The old NDY wasn't the guy she left. Not sure who he was but I know how he got here. Now I feel the old NDY coming home and it feels good.
Peace and love to you all.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Isn't that interesting and a good feeling, when you feel yourself come back and blossom. Trying to figure out how I can keep that version of me in my M with H.
About your son - I would say, 'Both of us want to be with you as much as we can, so we're going to figure out something that's fair to you and to us.' I'd listen to him, and then reassure him that you and WW will figure something out. You can use this approach always - just be reassuring that the adults will take care of things, so he doesn't have to worry.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
Trying to figure out how I can keep that version of me in my M with H.