Abuse from a partner is not fixed through DR

[Sherman333]

I agree this is not an abuse forum. I wouldn't recommend volumes of data, but rather enough for someone to understand the basic differences and some pointers on where to seek additional help.

Just thought I'd add my reactions to these questions...
would I have recognised an abuser before I came to DB?
No. In hindsight I was preprimed from childhood and my mother to not question some things... not anymore.

If I was in another R would I know?
Now... yes. I can see a lot of the signs.

What if it was a different type of abuse.
If it's controlling, then yes.

And how are we as posters or vets suppose to know this?
You won't and that's ok. See my 1st point on this post. If it seems to be more than "normal" stuff, then suggest the person read the thread. If it strikes a chord with them, they'll follow-it. Or not.

Most of of us begin to wake up to the facts after a while (I'd hope).

Even for a MLC, recognizing what's abusive and setting a boundary is a good thing regardless. Knowing what's crossing the line can make a huge difference.

In some cases (like mine) it happened so gradually over time that I didn't fully catch on until it blew up. But I still knew something was wrong.