Sweden beyond rescue it seems.

[Tulo]

Tulo,

I'm not sure if I'm fully up-to-date on your sitch, but I do recall reading your initial thread. For what it's worth, here is my 2 cents.......

I very much appreciate it!

No one can tell you what is best for you in regards to your physical encounters with your x bf. However, if you are left wanting more, hurt, or feeling slighted, then I'm sure you know that you should probably stop engaging physically with him.

I *think* if you end the physical encounters, then you can start to heal a bit.

I know you are right and that is what I've done. I can't just have sex with him because the truth is that I hope for more and at this time, he's not willing to give it. The only thing I can hope for is that since we've both thought it to be awesome in the bedroom, that if he's getting it from somewhere else it's not as great with them. Silly, I know but still I hope so. I don't think he's made that move yet, though but realise it's only a matter of time. And then, I hope he'll remember what we shared in that departement.

I would also suggest that you stop inquiring about who he is becoming friends with, dating, etc. Honestly, you aren't together so it really isn't your concern. Others may disagree, but I suggest that you just assume he is or will be.

I agree and that is why I deleted him on FB. I don't want to see what he's doing and don't want to have the chance to snoop.. This way I hope he'll see it as a 180 and be a bit surprised about it. I know he checks up a lot on my activity and maybe the fact that he now can't makes him wonder a little bit about what I'm doing.. Do you think I'm wrong?

Again, he says he doesn't want to be in a R with you. As we all know that could change, however, right now is what you are dealing with and the focus should be on Tulo's well being. Because you sound like a pretty awesome lady!

You are so sweet to say, don't feel that at the moment but I will work on getting back there again. I used to think I was pretty ok, but at the moment I feel like a second hand cracked cup at the flee market.

In regards to FB, well I have many past posts about what transpired on SM in my sitch.

I will check that out! Not really waiting for a reaction to my face, think hell will freeze before that happens. But think it's gonna bug him anyway and to tell you the truth I don't want him to get any part of me at the moment. I don't want him to know what I do, where I am, with whom and he can think (or not think) about it, but I want to deprive him of me. Silly I know, but that is how I feel now.

Hang in there. It does get better:)

I so hope you are right because this is just so hard!! Sending you a big hug and THANKS for your reply!

[Painter]

I think you're making a good decision for the right reasons. Being mysterious is never a bad thing.

Spend time with friends and family, maybe go on a trip somewhere you've always wanted to go, start with a hobby you didn't have time for (I joined a choir, and singing with others makes me feel so good!), and pamper yourself. I also journal - especially when things get difficult or I can't sleep or am upset. It helps me put the thoughts away and move on with my day.

I think this is the only way you can give him a chance to miss you to where he might rethink his decision. In case he doesn't, your life will still be richer and fuller. I believe that every thing you do to create a life for yourself that has nothing to do with him or your mutual past, will help you feel stronger and more independent.

[Tulo]

Hey Tulo -

So I'd recommend to detach emotionally as you can. Then move forward with how you want to live without focusing on him or R. If you want to burn the bridge behind you as Huddy suggested, fine... But I think you move forward with YOU. When he is interested in R, then you can deal with all the "stuff" going on now.

Hi Matt!

Thank you so much for your reply.

I'm trying to detach as best I can, but to tell you the truth it's not very easy to say the least.
I deleted him on FB but yesterday I couldn't help myself so I snooped to find out who the woman was that he brought to the fair this weekend. Like that made me happier..

I'm just having such a hard time with the fact that he seems so ready to move on without me, that he says he doesn't have any feelings for me and I'm just so scared that he's never gonna come to the realisation that he misses me. Do you think that is true, that he's just totally out of feelings for me?
I wish I knew of people who this NC have worked for..

I've just been out running and I know that I need to do a lot of running to feel better. So the plan is to run every morning to get the day off to a good (hell, who am I kidding.. a better start then the anxiety ones I'm having now) and try to spend time with friends. I also have planned to repaint my house this summer, ought to keep me busy for awhile.

One thing he said this weekend, that really hurt, was that he thought the fact that I was very open, straight forward and honest was one of the things that made him think that we weren't a good match. Because he wasn't as honest and straight forward. What does that mean? That he want a girlfriend that's not honest? That me being that is suddenly a bad thing?
Has he lied to me, during R and just feels bad about it and therefore doesn't want R any more?

So much want to ask him about it but feel like I have no more room to do so.

Matt, ok, I went on a bit of a venting expedition here.. Hope you don't mind. I so appreciate you writing to me.

I am going to detach, and find a happy life without him. And then just hope that we at some stage can reconnect and maybe get this to work again.

Big hug!

[Tulo]

I think you're making a good decision for the right reasons. Being mysterious is never a bad thing.

I think this is the only way you can give him a chance to miss you to where he might rethink his decision. In case he doesn't, your life will still be richer and fuller. I believe that every thing you do to create a life for yourself that has nothing to do with him or your mutual past, will help you feel stronger and more independent.

Thank you for your input Painter! I so much appreciate it!

I have made plans for a trip this summer, and lots of other stuff to keep me busy and hopefully achieve a stronger me even if it is without him. Wake up every morning with anxiety and have decided to put my run before breakfast so as I get the benefit of the happy hormones it triggers as soon as possible from when I wake up.

I so wish that he will find that he misses me and that our connection that we had isn't as easily found as he might think right now when he's out meeting up with other woman.

Silly me also hopes that the fact that we had amazing sex, and I know he still was really attracted to me would be something that would pass through his mind if/when he finds himself in bed with someone new, and hopefully miss it..

How long should a NC period be?

Ok, thanks again Painter! So happy for the support I get here!
Hug!

[Huddy]

Hi Tulo

Good for you. Keep busy and mysterious.

[Matt777]

Tulo, regarding this:

One thing he said this weekend, that really hurt, was that he thought the fact that I was very open, straight forward and honest was one of the things that made him think that we weren't a good match. Because he wasn't as honest and straight forward. What does that mean? That he want a girlfriend that's not honest? That me being that is suddenly a bad thing?
Has he lied to me, during R and just feels bad about it and therefore doesn't want R any more?

Remember to believe nothing he says. Look for nuggets of truth amidst all of the other garbage he will say. Of COURSE nobody wants someone closed off and dishonest.

But MAYBE you were TOO open. We're you emotionally needy? Do you always say what's on your mind, even if it's critical? Do you always tell the truth, even if it's hurtful?

At these times we have to really listen for what they are saying, because the actual words are meaningless.

[Tulo]

Hi Tulo

Good for you. Keep busy and mysterious.

Hi Huddy,

Do you also think removing him and not posting is a good thing? So scared he'll forget all about me..

Hug!

[Huddy]

Go dark. That'll actually cause him to start thinking about you.

[Tulo]

Go dark. That'll actually cause him to start thinking about you.

Thanks dear Huddy! That's what I'll do then..

[Tulo]

Ok, here is a bit of venting.

Have realised that this is going to be a very long race that I have no way of knowing the outcome of.
Since I still have stuff at his place, and want to show detachment I just sent him a text today, asking him to put the stuff outside his door on Sunday as I will pass his town. (We had decided that he would leave it here, at my place when he pass for work next week.)

Not sure if that was dumb, but as I have decided to go dark I don't want this hanging over my head that he might show up, and I hope this will make him a bit surprised because since he thinks that I'm so much more into him, than he is into me, and probably thought I'd take the chance to meet him when he dropped by. Any thoughts?

Now I have planned a 6 week period of not reaching out to him in any way and see how I feel after that time has passed.
He will be back in the US by that time and since we have been so very close emotionally when he's been there the previous times (and I'm hoping he'll remember that and maybe feel the difference when we're not) I figured that since he had promised me to get some stuff for me at his next visit it's a good time for me to just check in and see if that's ok with him..

What do you think? Going to read up on GD when I get back from my run, have to get some relief from my anxiety now..