Sorry you have to see your H already today Cindy, when you're just starting to reap the emotional benefits of limited contact. But you can do it. Like Matt said, fake it if you need to, but show your H your positive happy side - no crying, begging, asking for physical affection like hugs. Be cool and calm, very nice, but not needy at all. Dress in a way to boost your self confidence, a little makeup does wonders for me. Remember you are living a wonderful fulfilling awesome life, with or without your H.
You asked if your H might be in a mid life crisis. Everyone has to face a transition point in their life, a point where he or she comes to terms with getting older and the realization that he cannot physically do what he used to and that he may never meet some of his goals in life. Those of us with good coping skills are able to see beyond the disappointment and regret, and see that life is what WE make of it, and the best is yet to come. Others seem to go a bit nuts and start to wildly look for things to fill the void.
MWD describes it like this: "Is your spouse having a midlife crisis? Don’t be fooled by your spouse’s age. You don’t have to be in your forties or fifties to have one. It can be the “any time midlife crisis.” It’s when your spouse wakes up one day and feels that something is missing, everything is wrong. And unfortunately, since you are in plain view, you become the cause of all the unhappiness. Nothing you say or do is right. Your spouse sets out on a journey to find true happiness which doesn’t include you. It may include a personal trainer, co-workers, friends, new hobbies, new clothes and hair styles. For now, you represent everything that is wrong in life. Sound familiar? But the good news is that if you don’t over-react, your spouse may come back to planet earth. But it has to happen on your spouse’s terms. Be patient. Wait out the storm. Michele Weiner-Davis"
The good news is whether your H turns out to be in a mid life crisis or just a walk away husband, your job is the same. To give him the time and space he needs to figure out what he wants, and to become the very best Cindy Sy you can be, for YOU, not for him. To become the woman only a fool would leave. Whether your H will be a fool remains to be seen, and if he is in a mid life crisis, it may be many many years before he comes out of it (like 6, 7, 10) and he might never come out. But you, you will be awesome, I promise
Let us know how you make out today okay?
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Thank you again RosaLinda, I'm hoping he doesn't stay long, I'm pep talking since this morning, I am not 100% but I will make it short even if I have to fake an appt or someone is waiting for me. He can visit with the girls. I'm nervous. I will post about it for sure.
I was sooo prepared, new clothes, a bit of makeup, I was sitting confidently.....he no showed...he texted me that he was sorry but had trouble with his debit card. So I'm thinking he will come over tonight. I just have nothing to say to him. Why do you think he keeps texted me Good morning or hope your having a good day or even sometimes Goodnight ?
I was sooo prepared, new clothes, a bit of makeup, I was sitting confidently.....he no showed...he texted me that he was sorry but had trouble with his debit card. So I'm thinking he will come over tonight. I just have nothing to say to him. Why do you think he keeps texted me Good morning or hope your having a good day or even sometimes Goodnight ?
Argh. That always happens! Oh well, at least you got ready for next time.
He's tecting you because he still wants to keep you around. To have you as "Plan B". I wouldn't bother responding to those texts.
Matt777, you really think that he is keeping me as plan B, that he wants to keep me around? What do you think the logic behind it is? Im understanding it
Matt777, you really think that he is keeping me as plan B, that he wants to keep me around? What do you think the logic behind it is? Im understanding it
That's what I am seeing from all the WAS'. They think they want this freedom, this new life, this happiness that's OUT THERE. In doing that, they aren't ready to ACTUALLY cut the cord. They want to string the LBS along in case the real world they encounter isn't what they thought it would be. So, they hand out little crumbs to keep the LBS attached.
That's why we all work so hard to detach. To cut that cord. To remove the safety net. Let them think they can't fall back to that faithful LBS just sitting around waiting. If we play along with their game, it lets them think their choices don't matter. It's not our job to protect them anymore.
