Sad, expensive but really necessary, I'm afraid. Has she made contact today?
No, and I don't expect to hear anything. I will be strict with NC but it now means I wont see S9 until Sunday.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Sad, expensive but really necessary, I'm afraid. Has she made contact today?
No, and I don't expect to hear anything. I will be strict with NC but it now means I wont see S9 until Sunday.
Why sunday? How do you know sunday? What is the schedule that has been communicated/dictated? Have you agreed to it (if not, don't yet)?
You should have 50/50 time with son.
You should have the right of first refusal (so that she can't just leave son with her mom and go out on dates with OM without asking you first if YOU want to be with son that night.
Right now, absent an agreement, you could pick son up from school yourself and see him if you want.
I also think anything you can do to keep that house for as long as possible should be considered. If she stays separated and a 50-50 temp custody agreement is reached, then consider any second job you can get for days you don't have your son to help you afford the house. Keeping the house (and allowing WW to see you are capable of doing so) will, for some time, give you better odds of saving your marriage and family. Propose she sell you her half at the price she proposed awhile back.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
You two have had some really intense interactions lately. As Cali said earlier, you two need space to cool off a bit. It is not a bad thing. Your W clearly knows your position on the D and your stance on no contact with the OM in the house.
NDY, hey buddy, I can't imagine what you are going through. My friend Wonka's advice is sterling, as always.
Try to stay as calm as possible. Take things one step at a time.
Regards,
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I'm ok. Just trying to 'DETACH' like everyone says I should. Funny thing is that I feel just fine right now. Ok, yesterday not so much after discovering she left with S9 while I was at work but now I'm ok.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
"But guys, I don't see a way back. I'm seriously thinking about throwing in the towel."
My W took 3 years before she even could talk to me in a civil manner and there was an OM involved. Only you will know how much you can take. You'd be surprised at how strong you are when you give it a chance.
Hello again NDY,
I just saw MrBond's post. Also, sterling advice, as always!
His last point really shows what a person can get through if you keep a PMA.
Hang in there -- we are all rooting for you!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Why sunday? How do you know sunday? What is the schedule that has been communicated/dictated? Have you agreed to it (if not, don't yet)?
She and I had agreed previous arrangements for S9 to be with her most of the weekend doing fun things. It's been planned for a while and I have no reason to expect their plans to have changed. Sunday is the 'early' fathers day as he will be away the weekend of the 21st (yes, that caused a bit of friction).
Quote:
You should have 50/50 time with son.
We've always agreed this. But after last night I'm cautious.
Quote:
You should have the right of first refusal (so that she can't just leave son with her mom and go out on dates with OM without asking you first if YOU want to be with son that night.
Agreed.
Quote:
Right now, absent an agreement, you could pick son up from school yourself and see him if you want.
Yes, this is true but, remember she's trying to paint me in a bad light. By starting to say words like abuse and mental stability I've now no idea what she is capable of. I can handle waiting until the L gets back with advice. It's all in the email to him.
Quote:
I also think anything you can do to keep that house for as long as possible should be considered. If she stays separated and a 50-50 temp custody agreement is reached, then consider any second job you can get for days you don't have your son to help you afford the house. Keeping the house (and allowing WW to see you are capable of doing so) will, for some time, give you better odds of saving your marriage and family. Propose she sell you her half at the price she proposed awhile back.
I was thinking about this last night. I will need to work our the finances to see how long I can keep up the house before being forced to sell. I'll also look at part time work here or see if I can get some consultancy work that I can do in the evenings.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
I'm ok. Just trying to 'DETACH' like everyone says I should. Funny thing is that I feel just fine right now. Ok, yesterday not so much after discovering she left with S9 while I was at work but now I'm ok.
Hi NDY,
I'm SO happy to hear you feel fine now. Yes, detach, detach, detach. It is so hard to do, I know, but it really helps you.
I hope the rest of your day goes well buddy.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I'm ok. Just trying to 'DETACH' like everyone says I should. Funny thing is that I feel just fine right now. Ok, yesterday not so much after discovering she left with S9 while I was at work but now I'm ok.
Hi NDY,
I'm SO happy to hear you feel fine now. Yes, detach, detach, detach. It is so hard to do, I know, but it really helps you.
I hope the rest of your day goes well buddy.
Bob
Thanks again Bob. I think for now until the L gets in touch I just sit tight. Why speed things up? Makes no sense.
Anyway the sun is shining here and the weather is lovely. Since I have the place to myself I shall have a cold been in the garden this evening.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Petty squabbling from other posters on here isn't helpful, so do NDY a favour and take it off to your own thread. If you can't add any help, back the f*** off.
I do have to counter this Huddy's NOTICE. Both Huddy and NDY are young pups (and I am not being offensive here) on these boards. I have been hoovering around here for over a year and I do not consider myself anything but a young pup. And disrespecting an icon as 25 is a nono. Both of you will soon realize that all threads and posts belong to all the board members, that is the only way for us to learn and we all can learn even more if we share our knowledge on other people's threads. In fact there is where we learn the most as it is easier to spot others' difficulties than it is to spot our own.
What you call petty squabbling, I call disrespect (you can see even a distinguished vet such as Mr. Bond frowning upon it).
Surely you do realize, that we all have been in your shoes, we all have had our heart ripped out and stomped upon, and unlike the people in the surroundings where you live, we really do know and we really do care.
So please take a more enlightened position (a high road) and let's all continue to grow.
And if you continue with this rhetoric I too will give your posts a wide berth...
