My IC said to me - in all this process, there is nothing more important than your own relationship with yourself...your comment above just reminded me of that..
Well done for not contacting your H! And hopefully you are planning some nice things for yourself with your new found (albeit un-asked for) freedom
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
What do you do if you suspect H is having an affair or emotional affair? Do you just let it play out since he no longer lives at home. I am assuming this is part of Detach and GAL - Its been 4 1/2 months since we separated.
Since you are separated and living apart, there's not much you can do about the "affair". You can't control what he does and if you raise the subject w/him, he will deny it or gaslight you about your paranoia. He will turn it around and accuse you of doing it too.
If he comes sniffing around and wanting sex w/you, be sure to use protection. There have been a few cases where the spouses contracted a STD from the wandering spouse.
Sit quietly and patiently, more will be revealed to you in due time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Job. I was hoping that by now more would have been revealed but I guess 4-5 months is not even scratching the surface from what I have read around here.
Thanks for answering my questions. I guess just more work on me and detach and gal.
You are right...4-5 months is hardly scratching the surface. It takes a long time for them to start coming out of the pixie dust fog.
Yep...more work on you, detach and continue to gal. I can already see where you are starting to grow and learn more about yourself. Keep up the good work and continue to ask questions. No question is dumb...I'd rather you ask then do something you will later regret.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The change I need and want to make within myself is to get back myself if that makes sense. I think i became so worried about what H was doing that o wouldn't let myself do anything afraid if I did he would go out and do who knows what.
Yes, you've lived in chronic fear about what HE is doing/thinking/feeling and it's NOT getting you anywhere. Keep your movement in the "forward" gear.
When you operate in fear, you are Not operating in faith.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
What do you think you can DO? Stop it? Expose it? End it? You cannot stop or end it. You Do NOT control him. could expose it but that's NOT DBing and imo it'll backfire. ("Wife is nuts/obsessing/ and 'controlling' and suspicious and negative'....ETC)
You can spend your energy snooping and obsessing but that will NOT get you closer to the goal of restoring your marriage.
If you believe an affair would absolutely 100% with certainty, end the marriage, then go ahead and snoop and file for divorce, if your fears are confirmed.
BUT IF it's NOT an absolute deal breaker, focus your energy on becoming the better choice.
From how much you continue to go backwards, staring at HIM, after saying you'll focus on yourself it it clear to me that you're going to go nuts if you do not detach soon. Very soon.
you suspect H is having an affair or emotional affair? Do you just let it play out since he no longer lives at home. I am assuming this is part of Detach and GAL - Its been 4 1/2 months since we separated.
you answered your own question. Now, listen to yourself and instead of "letting it play out"
You work on YOU and so, when he compares you to OW (IF IF IF there's an OW)
his "data" about you won't be valid anymore.
Because you'll have done YOUR WORK.
However, At the rate you're going, I"m afraid he won't see enough change in you that he can believe the marriage would be better/different than before.
Please do yourself a favor and put the STOP SIGN in your head every time he pops into your brain. Then steer it back to YOU and yes, make it all about you.
Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thanks for another wake up call. I am trying really hard. I know this is something I need to do for myself no matter the outcome.
H called tonight just seems like he has regressed back.
I joined Facebook. Lol. Hey it's a gal and quite entertaining. Going to a vintage sale with a friend this weekend and seeing my therapist going to ask about strategies for moving forward and detaching.
Ok I highly recommend facebook as a way to distract yourself and give yourself a moral boost. I lost myself in it last night after s went to. Ed which is when I normally ponder things. So this could be of help to me.
When you have that urge to contact your h, think of him as being a very hot stove and that you will get burned badly if you touch it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
