Yes Wonka... you're right. I'm looking at the big picture: being independent, living simply, at peace, happy with how I'm spending my days and contributing to the world. Getting there requires SMART goals. Right now, it's easy to see what's not attracting her, which is where I see the 180's come into play. So...
-Move from unhappily unemployed to meaningfully employed(I have an interview tomorrow, fingers crossed) -Become more actively involved with volunteer and ministry work at church and in the community -Physically separate -Build the tiny house and demonstrate a life of simplicity and joy -Oh, and exercise more. Exercise makes everyone attractive!
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
One other goal I have for today - to go 24 hours without seeing her or speaking to her. I guess this is going dark? I went to church this morning, then to a coffee shop, then to the nearby state park. Had to come home to charge my phone, heard her on the phone upstairs, but I ignored her and went to the back porch. After the phone was charged, took my computer and phone and came out to the community pool. It's nice out here, just chaotic and noisy. (It is a pool, after all!)
I see from her calendar that she is supposed to be somewhere at 3, in just a few minutes. And then she has "plans" tonight... so do I, with my kids, who are taking me to dinner. Hoping I have an appetite and looking forward to a nice time with them. And hoping we'll have fun things to talk about. It's been so gloomy in our house lately, and they've been so good and supportive.
Hoping everyone is having as good a day as possible.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
I would also separate your calendar from he. Do you really want to know what she is doing and where she is? Do you really want her to know what you are doing and where she is?
Just another reality check that you are no longer available to her.
On the other hand, she looks at me and she sees a former partner in business and in life, thus single and sad and unemployed. She associates me with the failure to date of our business. She sees nothing in me that gives her the dopamine hits of sexting, dating, concerts, picnics, romantic dinners, beach trips... she looks at me and sees everything she wants to escape. Right now, her escape hatch is incredibly superficial - as any escape hatch would be. And, her understanding of stability is very superficial, too.
Well, you are getting the right idea. That is another reason we encourage you to focus on becoming the man you want/need to be. And that often takes some time with quite a bit of doing. I have found many LBS who want to immediately show the WW their changes. What they really need to do, however, is get those changes really stable before showing off.
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But no... here's the thing that struck me. Stability IS important to her, but that doesn't necessarily mean lots of money, or a powerful job.
I agree that is true for most women.
Hope you continue with your PMA.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
It's just a work calendar that we share, Heavy. We stopped sharing personal calendars a while back simply because we pretty much always knew what the other was up to and didn't need to. So, it's okay. As long as we're sharing space, it actually does help me to have an idea when she won't be around, so I can schedule accordingly.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Yeah, Wonka and Sandi. I'm a woman. Who doesn't quite seem to understand women! At least not this one...
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
My favorite time of day the past month or so has been bedtime, because I have no trouble falling asleep, and I can be assured that, for at least a few hours, I won't be cognizant of my troubles. About to hit the sack now, knowing that I'll probably be awake again long before I should be. However... this morning was the first morning I awoke without a two ton pit in my stomach. I have seen glimpses of hope, without expectation.
She is with the OW as I type this... it did help that I got to spend the whole night with my kids. I don't know how many 20/18 year old boys would be glad to do that for their moms, but mine were. I am so grateful for them.
Tomorrow is another day... and it might be a bad one. But taking things day by day, moment by moment, is the only way to go. Hoping to keep up the PMA as I go through this, and wishing the same for all of you.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Glad you are starting to round the corner some. The ups and downs will still come, but hopefully the highs will be higher and the lows will be higher too! Just try to stay rational and keep your eyes on your plans and your goals.
