For WW, its interesting because I've gotten some feedback and a lot of folks, friends/family that still interact with her see that the 'her wall' is not breaking down. It's discouraging, but as I said she doesn't want help right now. Hopefully she can work on herself and figure it out at some point. While she didn't believe me when I said it, I still care about her and I just want her to be happy with whatever choices she makes.
As far as dating, I agree with you and I think 'we' understand the risks in each of our sitches. Just like the different sitches on here; I can see the variation in the specifics between the two. I do worry about the conflicts and complications that could occur, but also realize that there needs to be a balance between an indefinite pause and also 'moving on.' It goes back to something that you said a bit ago to me that resonated and I've thought about it a lot. Like a lot of things, the advice that we struggle with receiving is often because we are not ready to use it at the time. You said not to let dogma and future expectations prevent me from living my life. I did that for the last 10 months. That is what I am focusing on right now and it pushes me out of my comfort zone, but I also see that's part of where I need to grow. The detachment has helped immensely with dealing with it as objectively as possible. I can't dwell on the 'easiness' of life that I was accustomed to prior to BD. However, I also need to stay true to who I am. But like any growth and uncertainty, we need to muddle through it and re-establish some things that we took for granted before.
I see it very much as I've been in 'survival mode' and thought that I could maintain that as long as needed until the sitch would get resolved, but now I'm seeing that my next step is looking within myself and how my life needs to be shaped from the past year and not dictated by it. It feels like a healthy place to be in right now.
Lastly, some of it is eye-opening with regard to the newness and excitement of getting to know someone else and frankly it helps me understand how devastating an A can be in a M. I think I better understand the 'fog' and how easy that can consume someone if you don't know that its there.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
