my story

[hope567]

Anyone else have a W who isn't working? Kids now have summer off. Feel like I should create a network of options other than sending kids to her place, as far as childcare goes. Thoughts?

[Wet]

Hi Hope, yes my W does not work. My sitch is a little different b/c our kids are older than yours.

I understand that you would want to keep your sons away from om. Do you have any other close-by family members or close friends who can help keep an eye on your boys?

[Cadet]

see my first post for the details.

I have merged this thread in with your first one as it is easier to stick to one thread until around 100 posts.

Thanks for your cooperation

[Cristy]

Hi Hope567,

I am sorry for the situation you are in. The best advice I can give you is to speak with a Divorce Busting Coach today.

There is much that can be done, especially negotiating time with the kids and how to handle the kids seeing the OM.

Divorce Busting coaches will give you the best guidance on how to save your marriage and get things moving in a more positive direction. Please call me to discuss our coaching program 303-444-7004.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[hope567]

Any tips on how to mentally psyche up for interactions with the walk away spouse? Our kids are pretty active in sports etc & we both like to go, so I still see her pretty often. But I feel like a kicked dog sometimes around her right now. Silly part too is we have to coordinate more than ever since she moved out.

[Zues126]

1. Reread sandi's 37 rules prior to any interaction.
2. Pray (or if you don't pray visualize). For me my most common prayer was to let my desires and will go and be open to what God's will was, to let go of my weak and needy emotions and to be allowed to detach and to be filled with the courage to live the way he wants.
3. Power poses. Check out the TED talk on power poses on Youtube to increase confidence and decision making before key encounters.

As for kids and schedules, while I don't disagree there is no rush. Slow way down and resist the urges to 'do something'. Work on yourself and only take action after serious reflection.

Also- I'd recommend a DB coach.

[hope567]

Fyi...I do have a db coach

[hope567]

Many people like to tell me that karma will catch up with her, her relationship is doomed to fail, etc. Though I do feel a need for some checks and balances here, it would bring me no joy to see her have a crummy life, partially for my kids sake. So, my question is, how often do folks in here see the WAS and OM relationship work out? How quickly does it typically fall apart? I honestly think my spouse and OM have calculated a master plan of sorts and wouldn't be surprised if they have marriage timeline outlined. They've been like two teenagers planning their runaway from home in their attitude and approach to all this.

As a side note, she gets really angry when I have a different opinion about pretty much everything these days. It's like she has a script in mind and how dare I waver from it. Exhausting to deal with. As I have tried to point out to her, we are having to do more coordinating now than ever before and for the most part we are doing it. But like everything to do with me, she focuses on the negative, partially I fear as an excuse to reduce my time with the kids.

[NDY]

Hi Hope

As a side note, she gets really angry when I have a different opinion about pretty much everything these days. It's like she has a script in mind and how dare I waver from it. Exhausting to deal with. As I have tried to point out to her, we are having to do more coordinating now than ever before and for the most part we are doing it. But like everything to do with me, she focuses on the negative, partially I fear as an excuse to reduce my time with the kids.

Yes, I get this all the time as well. Even things that are nothing to do with me. But as people keep pointing out to me DETACH DETACH DETACH. I'm working on that. The script thing is a good one though. It's as though now when I disagree on the way forward I'm just deliberately being obstructive. What the WW doesn't realise is that we are not team NDY any more and her objectives don't match mine.

It's a tough one.

[hope567]

One obstacle, among many, that I have is the enabling of her leaving by her family. They bought her a big house with a pool - enough bedrooms for OM kids to each have a bedroom. It's a foreclosure and I don't know exactly how it was financed (she's not working) but her family has provided some financial support and manual labor towards house, and emotional support. (Side note - her parents are divorced, and I now understand a bit of the competitiveness among parents to be sure kids have a good time when they are with you. Probably contributes to their support, both financially and emotionally.) I get that they want to provide some level of support but a 5 bedroom house with a pool?? That is enabling. I don't know all the financial arrangements among them but it certainly didn't make her feel consequences of her actions - something.g we try to teach our young kids! This is such an uphill battle.

Also, I'm ready to try last ditch efforts. She has filed, mediation is scheduled next month, day with judge scheduled, and no sign of backing down on her part. Tomorrow we meet with our marriage counselor. She recently gave me 50/50 for June and for tomorrow I'm supposed to respond to her request for more alimony. I don't have extra money to give and she knows that. I may have to move to a smaller house even under the current arrangement. I'm kind of terrified that tomorrow's discussions will lead to her being frustrated, reducing the recent 50/50 arrangement, and taking this to the judge and mediation, which her family will bankroll. And I do.t like my chances of keeping 50/50 with a judge; not sure what judge would do re alimony but that could very well go in her favor also. Legal system is unpredictable I have learned.

Any thoughts / advice appreciated on any of these topics. Thanks!