The new normal

[Zues126]

I don't think I mentioned my mediation date. My D feels like a non-event at this point. I continue to try to do my part. For example, I still work with my DB coach and IC. I have followed her advice on having some friendly exchanges when we swap kids, and sending her an email that was designed to 'instill goodwill' prior to mediation, etc.

As for the idea of our M, it doesn't look like it's in the cards. I'm not saying it's impossible, but STBX would have to want to make it work, and change and grow herself. She has never showed any waffling on the D, and has equally not shown any interest in stepping out of her destructive lifestyle. Absolutely it is devastating to watch the M go, knowing the stats on second marriages and how much potential was lost. But it really is her decision and I've worked hard to come to terms with it. I won't say she's incapable of doing her part, because the future is unknown. But my two year plan doesn't involve her or any other women, so I'll beat to my own drum and not be looking over my shoulder. If she surprises me we can reevaluate, otherwise I'll be ready to invest in a marriage that can go the distance.

So feeling ok about all of this, although I still find myself put off by people that talk of divorce casually (or really at all). I didn't chime in on the abuse thread because I didn't know how to say this without minimizing the points zelda's trying to make. I AGREE with her. The problem is that all of the definitions of abuse tend to be so vague. I think the victims of abuse don't always know it, and on the flip side I think many WAS's that weren't in an abusive M claim they were. So I still get a bit exasperated listening to people justify blowing up their families by making themselves victims when they simply weren't accountable for their own happiness and boundaries...yet I want people that are true abuse victims that are being hurt to protect themselves and not permit being mistreated. Bottom line, I support taking a few years to rebuild your own life and seeing what happens, but that's just my journey. Back to feelings- I think this is my biggest hang up, is I'm still fairly disdainful of people that leave marriages.

As for organization, you're right...I use a things to do list at work which is why I'm employed. Ug. Your routines are what I need. I think I need to do that. Just need to get started.

Thanks Sunny.