Heavy ... I am always looking for a new Crock-Pot concoction ... so if its a good one I am all ears.
I think by now you are starting to see this control dance your W wants you to dance with her. You are having none of it and good for you. The more I read your sitch, your thoughts, the more I think your W really has some work to do but just will not get there till she hits bottom. My W was the same way, I seen it for what it was, detached and considered her a mere science project .. then she started the reconnection portion and I went into a mini tail spin ... this thing is a real booger to navigate sometimes but you are doing very well.
