Let Go VI

[Wonka]

Heavy,

I am with you. I think you misunderstood me. It's fine that your L send a letter to W in response to her filing for D. What I meant is that you don't try to be "helpful" if W screams that she cannot afford a L and demands that you do ALL of the work for her as well.

Hope this clears up what I meant in my other post.

[HeavyD]

Got it

Thanks for the clarification.

I am not going to wait 6 months until she "saves some money" to hire her own L. My L is sending the letter today or tomorrow in response to her filing the D.

[HeavyD]

So here's a new way of thinking about this "I do't have money for a lawyer bit".

My IC said "Did you consider that she is lying?"

Lightbulb flash - no I had not considered her to be lying. Why, because I am still stuck in the mindset of who she used to be. That person is gone, dead, left the building. The new person lies, cheats and steals regularly to me and lots of other people.

So, yeah, she is probably lying about not having any money - it's another sob story of why I should drop my L. That would also explain why she wanted me to talk to her AP - she would give me the same sob story about not having any money for a lawyer and how their being together is really in the best interests of all of "us".

That also made me think - since all of this happened - my W has referred to "all of us" meaning AP and her wife and kids and Me and our kids. She already thinks of all of these people as "us". She even refers to their their favorite restaurant as "our" restaurant, and "our" coffee shop ad "our block".

I am sorry to inform her but my "us" is me and my two children. Her "us" is her and the circus freak. Good Lord.

She has a bizarre fantasy reality she has created and I want NO PART of any of it.

[Vanilla]

You got it.

V

[DifRent]

Oh, getting used to the lying has been hard for me, too. I have to realize that I can't believe anything... Sandi's rules are so right! But the thing is... I'm fairly convinced she's lying to the OW, too. Right now, she's just a bundle of lies left and right. All the more reason to just worry about me and let things fall where they will as time goes on. There may come a time when the lying stops, and then I'll know where we stand. But for now? It's insanity, and the OW is too stupid or "in love" not to realize it. Heh.

[Fogg]

If she didn't have the money for a L, I wonder what her motivation for asking for a few months would then be. She wants the D now, she knows you don't. Maybe time to figure out another plan to get what she wants financially? Hard to tell

I just get the impression its not all about wanting to scam you, but I could be wrong. To me I think she knows she messed up with not working with the mediator at first and lost some control when you got the L, now shes wanting to get some control back. She does keep mentioning control/calling all the shots, and I can see where she might feel that way in some circumstances even if its unfair to you and her own doing.

[HeavyD]

Fogg

She wanted to "save up" some money - that is why she asked for me delay my response to her divorce petition.

My job now is to protect myself and my children from this continued nightmare scenario.

I am sorry for whatever consequences fall on both of us for this situation. I wish it had never happened in the first place. Most of all I feel terrible for our innocent kids in this who will lose no matter what.

I told her if she mentions the phrase "calling all the shots" I will pull out my hair. She did not laugh. She never used that phrase before the mess started. She wants what she wants, when she wants. If I object or say no, "I am "calling all the shots".

Oh boy!

[Fogg]

Yeah, I just meant if she is lieing about having the money, why ask for more time to save up money. It just delays what she wants, the D.

I agree with you, you do have to protect your family. You don't need to think whats happening is your fault either. Shes responsible for her actions, which is to break the family apart, A and D.

Yes, she does want what she wants when she wants it. That's been clear, I was just making the observation it may not be a lie (to her) when she says it. You standing up for yourself does take control from her so she sees it as her being powerless. Not that it matters since its her fault, just a possibility of where that comment may come from.

[HeavyD]

thanks for the clarification - also by saying she doesn't have the money, that means I would drop my L which I am not inclined to do.
She has asked me many many times to drop my L so we can work this out together. Not any more.

I can't tell you how many times she has deceived me and drop kicked our family to the curb, financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically, all of it. Now she wants me to "trust" her.

How goes it in your sitch?

[Fogg]

Point I might be getting at, is when we at least see why they may say something (calling all the shots), even if its based on irrational thoughts, it lets us realize its not something personal. Then we can let the comment brush off us instead of reacting to it.

You shouldn't tell her you will pull your hair out either if she says that, never let her see what your buttons are. She may want to push them more.


My sitch is going. I know my strategy, I know what I need to be doing. I believe things will work out. Just struggling at times with how difficult it is.