All crows are black, but not all blackbirds are crows.
Not all abusive situations are couched under MLC.
If this is truly a peer to peer support group, I think there needs to be a place for people to address abuse as abuse. With people that have been there, or have professional training in it. DR still applies.
Obviously this started off as a place to Sell books and Hope. Stand for your marriage. Be your best self. They will come around. I drank the Kool-Aid, it was very nice, and my STBX came around. I wish to God he hadn't because it was worse than ever.
But this should not threaten the status quo around here to let it be said that no one advocates for staying in a marriage like this. Just because it sounds obvious to you, doesn't mean it isn't something that can be put in big bold letters around here - somewhere. This is my whole point you seem to be missing - at time of grief, it is very easy for someone to get caught up in the idea that they can and should stay in this kind of marriage. And, I can't find a single spot in this board where this topic is even addressed. Sex starved marriages and all the rest, but nothing on the fact that some marriages are unhealthy and flat out dangerous.
I appreciate the fact that you guys have so many wonderful opinions on MLC, codependency, etc - but have you lived in a relationship like this? I can think of Sherman, TLEE, Vanilla, GGrass that can probably add a lot to this subject.
Nothing I am suggesting takes anything away from divorce Busting, divorce remedy, or all those wonderful things that help us survive a divorce.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
