Night time IS the hardest time when you're feeling lonely and sad and frightened. We're in the same time zone, so it's getting to be that time What are you doing to distract your mind from racing?
I used to read the first couple of posts on other people's threads, and find a couple that interested me to read all the way through. And then try to write a couple of words of encouragement and support even when I felt too new to give any advice. Made a couple of really close friends that way, as people will reciprocate on your thread.
Singing always cheers me up - it's hard to think about painful subjects when belting out oldies. Do you have any hobbies? I taught myself to knit and made a bunch of baby sweaters over the last 6 years. Maybe since you've lost so much weight you could whip yourself up something chocolate and fattening as a treat? Brownies? Do you like to read? Play an instrument?
Originally Posted By: Cindy
I already realized that our marriage was not perfect & I was like a mother to him not his partner, I was the planner, organizer, the fixer, the rescuer, the pep talker, the encourager....nothing more...it makes me sad to think about it but it is the truth & I had asked myself a while back, if this was really the life I was suppose to have ! I wasn't happy either but I married for life & for better or worse.
This sounds exactly like my marriage, Cindy, but it took the bomb and helpful people on here to get me to realize it. You're miles ahead of where I was 40 days after my bomb. If you can start working on this one thing - stopping yourself from the compulsion to fix/rescue/organize everything (I have it too) for your H and let him be a man, not your son, I think that you guys will have a much better chance to have a great relationship some day.
Have you been successful at cutting down on the texts and emails at all? And why do you think he might be turning to alcohol? Did your daughter mention that to you?
Look I made a signature to tell you a little about myself Me: 62 Ex H: 61 M: 38 years 2 adult sons, 3 grandchildren Ex H severely depressed: Sept 1994 Ex H in MLC: Nov 2007 Bomb: Dec 2009 Dropped the DBing rope and filed for D: Dec 2013 D final: May 2014 Happy and grateful: the rest of my life
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
As RosaLinda says, night is hard. It does get easier, but some nights will still be hard even when that happens. I'm not a huge believer in drugs (although I take more than I like as I get older), but there is something to be said for talking to a psychiatrist if you're really struggling at nights. Anti-anxiety meds can be mildly addicting if not handled carefully (not selling your possessions to get your next fix kind of thing, but still approached with caution), but for a short period of crisis, there is nothing wrong with a bit of Lorazapam/Atavan to help you not struggle so much and be able to get on with life during the first month. IC can help. Getting exercise can help. Meditation (there are a number of approaches that range from Buddhist, mindfulness, to Christian depending on your background and preferences) can help you detach from the overactive chatter of the mind.
And remember, that all that chatter and worries are stories your telling yourself and not really "the truth." That makes it a bit easier to not get so wrapped up in them if you think of them as stories you are spinning to try to get a grip on things, and if you've ever tried the kind of meditation where you let go of thinking about things, you'll see just how much our minds really want us to get wrapped up in stories and how they are just that.
Other things to consider: a warm bath (you can do the whole 9 yards with bubbles and candles), chat with a friend in the evening if you have someone willing to be that kind of help for a bit to unload some of those feelings, watch a comedy show (movies, regular show, stand up) early in the evening to get some humor on your radar.
Good luck and keep posting. You can already tell from your posts that you are settling down a bit. It may not seem that way from your end, but it comes through in your posts. Pat yourself on the back for already doing some things to love and care for yourself. That is a good sign.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
What are you doing to distract your mind from racing? 